The 7‑Day Habit Reset: Start Today, Feel Different By Next Week

You can become any person you want to be. That habit that's been driving you

be. That habit that's been driving you crazy for years, you can change it. You

can build the habits that make you into a marathoner. You can abandon the habits

a marathoner. You can abandon the habits of drinking or overeing that have weighed you down. Every habit can be changed. Aristotle once said, "We are

changed. Aristotle once said, "We are what [music] we repeatedly do."

Excellence then is not an act. It's a

habit.

>> And so is slacking off.

>> So is slacking off. So is exercising every day. So is procrastination. Now

every day. So is procrastination. Now

about 40 to 45% of what we do [music] every day is a habit.

>> 45%.

>> Yeah. Often times when we talk about changing a habit, we refer to it as breaking a habit. I'm going to stop doing that [music] thing. And what we know is we know that that's not enough.

We have to use what's called the golden rule.

>> What's the golden rule?

>> Don't try and extinguish a [music] habit. Rather,

habit. Rather, we have the power to be the people we want to be. We can be the person [music] we want to be by changing our habits.

And any habit can be created. Any habit

can be changed. You can live the life that you want.

>> Charles Dig, I am so excited that you're here to teach us all about habits.

>> Well, thank you for this is such an honor for me. I really appreciate it.

>> Well, you know, your book, The Power of Habits, Changed My Life. It is the best and it is the seinal and it is the original incredible book about habits.

The research is unreal. I cannot wait for you to unpack all that today. And

I'd love to start by having you speak directly to the person who's listening.

They do not have a lot of time, but they have found the time to spend it with you and me, and they cannot wait to learn about your research with habits, how to

create a positive ripple effect in their life. Can you tell this person what

life. Can you tell this person what might change about their life if they take everything that you're about to share today and they apply it?

>> Absolutely. Absolutely. So, here's the thing I would say.

Every habit can be changed. You can

create as many habits as you want. You

can change that that habit that's been driving you crazy for years, you can change it. Because the way that habits

change it. Because the way that habits work is that it's a very simple thing that happens inside our brain. And once

we know how to take a habit and break it apart into its components, then suddenly we can adjust anything that we want to in our life. So, you can become any person you want to be. You can build the

habits that make you into a marathoner.

You can abandon the habits of drinking or overeing that have weighed you down once you understand how to change the habits.

I love that you started there because you said simple. And to me, behavior change on its face seems simple, but it is so

dang hard to do. And so you're seriously going to teach us how we could create habits that change who we are, make more money.

>> Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

You're exactly right. It is simple. That

doesn't mean it's easy. Okay.

>> Right. There's lots of simple things going, >> but we're going to make it easier. We're

going to tell you exactly the steps to take because the truth of the matter is that once we start to change our habits, it has a cascade effect and it changes the rest of our life.

>> So cascade meaning what? meaning that

that there's a chain reaction that something happens that causes other habits to change without us even having to use our willpower to change them.

>> Within the literature, this is known as a keystone habit.

>> Okay. What is a ski key I almost called it a keystone, but what what is a keystone habit?

>> So, a keystone habit, what we know is that some habits are more powerful than others.

>> Okay, so there's a hierarchy to habits.

There's a hierarchy to habits and and sometimes when you change the right habit, it sets off this chain reaction in the rest of your life. One of my favorite examples of this is exercise.

Okay?

>> Right? [snorts]

>> So, we all know that on the mornings that you go and you exercise, for some reason at lunch, you you eat healthier, right? And if you think about it, that

right? And if you think about it, that doesn't necessarily make any sense, right? But it's easier for some reason

right? But it's easier for some reason my legs are kind of sore. Suddenly, I go into the cafeteria and I get a salad instead of that sandwich that I always get. Uh-huh.

get. Uh-huh.

>> But what's really interesting is there are these two researchers named Otin and Chang, what they looked at is other things that change. What they found is that on the mornings when people exercise, they tend to use their credit cards less that day.

>> What >> they procrastinate less at work. They'll

actually start doing the dishes, like washing the dishes, 20 minutes earlier in the day than when they usually do.

Now, nobody nobody goes for a run in the morning and thinks like, I'm going to keep the AMX in my pocket today. But

[snorts] what's happening is that for many people, exercise is a keystone habit. When you start to exercise, it

habit. When you start to exercise, it sets off this chain reaction that changes other patterns in your life.

Your eating patterns, your spending patterns.

>> Wow.

>> It's really powerful.

>> Well, okay. So, I just want to back up a minute because I'm excited because you're not only going to teach us the research and science about habits and the simple things you need to understand

to lock them in, but you've already said something that I want to make sure that the person listening really captured, okay? and is that you're going to take

okay? and is that you're going to take away because one of the things that struck me about your remarkable New York Times bestseller, The Power of Habit, is

that being successful in life isn't about talent.

That the science says that habits shape who we are and the outcomes that we achieve more than your ability.

Can you unpack what that means? Because

I think it's really exciting >> to listen to this conversation today as an invitation to change the type of

person you think you are. And if you've been telling yourself that you just don't have the talent or you don't have willpower or you're not athletic or any of these other things, the research says otherwise. Tell us what that means.

otherwise. Tell us what that means.

>> That's absolutely right. And we've known this since Aristotle. Aristotle once

said, "We are what we repeatedly do."

Excellence then is not an act. It's a

habit.

>> And so is slacking off. So

>> So is slacking off. So is exercising every day. So is procrastination.

every day. So is procrastination.

They're all habits. And they all operate the same way in our brain.

>> Okay.

>> And the key to changing them is just to understand what's going on.

>> Okay. And is habits just a fancy researchery word for patterns? Like

these are patterns in your life or what is that? So there's a part of our brain

is that? So there's a part of our brain known as the basil ganglia that creates habits. And every animal on earth has a

habits. And every animal on earth has a basil ganglia. Without it, we would not

basil ganglia. Without it, we would not have evolved to become humans or anything else.

>> And it exists not just to create patterns but to create a specific kind of pattern. And to explain, let me tell

of pattern. And to explain, let me tell you how a habit works.

>> Okay, >> we think of a habit as one thing, but actually there are three parts to every habit. There's a cue which is like a

habit. There's a cue which is like a trigger for an automatic behavior to start.

>> Okay, >> then there's the routine, the habit itself, what we think of as the habit.

the behavior. And then finally, every habit in our life has a reward. It

delivers a reward to us whether we're aware of it or not.

>> Huh.

>> Now, about 40 to 45% of what we do every day is a habit.

>> 45%.

>> Yeah. We think of it as a choice, but actually when you're backing your car out of the driveway, you're operating on habit. When you walk into the cafeteria

habit. When you walk into the cafeteria and you get that unhealthy lunch instead of the salad you said you were going to have this morning, that's a habit. When

we get home and our kids kind of annoying us and we like are short with them, that's a habit.

>> Okay.

>> And if we can diagnose the cue and the reward for those behaviors, for those routines, we can change that habit or build new ones.

>> And you're also here to teach us that there are three, as you call them, keystone habits. These are like the

keystone habits. These are like the whoppers.

>> Yes. These are three things that you can teach yourself to do that create the biggest ripple effect in terms of changing the way that your life is and changing who you are.

>> Absolutely. Absolutely. These are three habits that we know are keystone habits for almost everyone. And if you make this change, you can just watch the change ripple through the rest of your life.

>> Wow.

>> Yeah.

>> That that's exciting.

>> It is exciting. It is exciting.

>> Okay. Well, let's dump into it. Let's

talk about the first one which is exercise. Why is exercise a keystone

exercise. Why is exercise a keystone habit?

>> Exercise is a really really powerful habit in many people's lives because it changes how we think about oursel right now for folks who are already athletes.

>> Okay, >> if they take let's say they have a baby, they take six months off, they go back back to running, it might not be a keystone habit for them or it might be a keystone habit that they've already

built in their life. But for someone like myself, somebody who never never exercised in high school, right? Didn't

play any sports. When I start running, even just once a week, even for just like half a mile, suddenly in part of my brain, I start thinking of myself as the kind of person who's a runner. The kind

of person who's a runner, they don't use their credit card like wastefully. They

don't procrastinate at work. They don't

eat unhealthily at lunch. What's

happening there is that I'm actually changing my concept of self by [snorts] engaging in this keystone habit. So now

the next question is how do we build an exercise habit? Right.

exercise habit? Right.

>> Well, let me ask you a question though.

>> Does it have to be running?

>> It doesn't have to be running.

>> Okay. So when you say if you were to develop a habit of exercising, moving your body, whether it could be it could be running, it could be going for a walk every day, it could be going to the gym

three days a week, it could be any form of exercise works.

>> It can actually even be standing up from your chair regularly. Like we know, yeah, we know that you know how your watch sometimes buzzes and it tells you it's time to stand up. That's based on research. research that shows if you can

research. research that shows if you can get yourself to a place where you're habitually standing up every 45 minutes or every 35 minutes and you're just standing and walking around for 10

seconds that it will change your other behaviors because it changes your self-concept. It changes yourself how

self-concept. It changes yourself how you think about yourself. Now, I want to make sure that as you're listening to Charles, because this is such an important idea, because I think a lot of us think we should exercise because we

know it's good for us and we think that it's something that we should do. What

you're saying is something different.

[snorts] Just stop and think for a second as you're listening to Charles and think about the kind of person that goes to the gym 5 days a week. And now

even if you're not that kind of person, you probably can imagine that there are certain things about that person

that you know to be true because they seem to have the discipline or in your words the habit of moving their body that regularly that maybe they don't

procrastinate. Maybe they get out of bed

procrastinate. Maybe they get out of bed when the alarm rings. Maybe they have more energy during the day. Maybe they

are a healthier eater. Maybe they don't bury themselves in a bottle of wine every night. I don't know. But you have

every night. I don't know. But you have assumptions about who that person is.

When you see somebody doing something and you're saying that the same thing happens to yourself that when you become the kind of person who doesn't drink or

the kind of person who saves money regularly or the kind of person who exercises regularly, it changes your identity. That's super cool.

identity. That's super cool.

>> It's absolutely amazing. And and you're exactly right. There's a part of our

exactly right. There's a part of our brain that pays attention not to what we think we should do, but how we actually behave. And in in psychology, this is

behave. And in in psychology, this is known as stated versus actual preferences.

>> Stated versus actual preferences.

>> Yes. So So my stated preference might be that I work out >> or stop talking and do it. Exactly. You

want to be that person. Prove it. Yes.

>> There's a part of your brain that does exactly that. And they say, "You know

exactly that. And they say, "You know what? You got up this morning and you

what? You got up this morning and you went for a quarter mile jog. You're kind

of you're kind of a jock. you're kind of an athlete, you're kind of awesome, and I'm going to start changing our behavior based on this concept of what you actually do. That's how habits change

actually do. That's how habits change our life.

>> You know, one of the things that's incredible, and I want you to explain the science behind how just this one habit, you're going to teach us all the mechanics of how to lock in exercise,

whatever your form is as a habit. But

can you explain the science because you wrote about this in the book about how exercise compounds and leads to other changes like eating better, being more productive, even spending less money.

You you wrote about in your book, it's on page 109, that people who start running suddenly quit smoking.

>> Yeah.

>> Or start budgeting, >> right?

>> Why does exercise cause a ripple of other positive change?

>> Well, let me ask you a question.

>> Yes. On the days that you exercise, >> if I was to ask you, Mel, are you a are you a person who has a lot of self-discipline or not? What What are you more >> You better believe I do. Charles, I got

up today at at 6:30 and I was in an exercise class at 7 a.m. before I came to the studio.

>> That's pretty impressive.

>> And I feel like a woman that has discipline.

>> And you know what? Your brain is impressed with you, too. And your brain is saying, "Well, if Mel can wake up at 6:30 and be in our exercise class by 7, well, then it's going to be easy for her to have a healthy lunch, right? That's

the simple thing. She's already proven how much self-discipline she has. This

is our brains are constantly looking for clues as to who we actually are. And

when we give them the right clues, >> yes, >> our brain becomes our partner in changing our behavior the way that we want it to change. So, simply

doing this keystone habit that you're about to teach us, the three steps to locking in exercise as a habit will lead to a ripple of other things that you're currently not doing.

>> Absolutely. Now, that doesn't mean that tomorrow your life is going to change because you went for a run. But here's

the thing about how habits work is that it doesn't matter what you eat for lunch today. It matters what you eat for lunch

today. It matters what you eat for lunch every day. Okay?

every day. Okay?

>> Right? So when those that ripple starts, when you start to change those habits, what you'll see is slow slow at first change in other patterns. But each time

you do it, each time you get up to go exercise, each time you walk into the cafeteria and you get something healthy to eat, it's going to be a little bit easier than the time before. And

eventually you're going to find, and this can actually happen in just a couple weeks, that you you don't even think about waking up in the morning anymore. You just do it automatically.

anymore. You just do it automatically.

It's a habit. It feels really normal and natural and all those other changes will become stronger and stronger and stronger until you have the life that you want.

>> Why does the brain respond that way?

Like I cuz cuz I think it's exciting if the first keystone habit that you're recommending that we really try to implement in our life is to make it a

habit to exercise to move your body.

>> Yep.

>> Why does it do that in your brain? What

is what does the research say about that? Well, so first of all, exercise is

that? Well, so first of all, exercise is very powerful in terms of the neurotransmitters that it helps to release, right? There's there's these

release, right? There's there's these pleasure hormones that we end up feeling when we exercise.

>> Okay?

>> But the second thing that happens is that when we start to exercise, often times for many people, exercise is kind of intimidating, right? If you've never gone to the gym before, you're like, I

don't want to show up. I don't want to like I'm going to look stupid. I don't

know.

>> Honestly, it's scary. Like I I literally travel a lot for work and it took me a long time to walk into a hotel gym cuz I didn't know what to do >> in the gym.

>> Yeah.

>> And so I agree with you. There's a lot of resistance and then if you've let yourself go, you're like, "Oh my god, I don't even want to confront how out of shape I am."

>> Right. So let's talk about how we overcome that, >> please. Because I think exercise is one

>> please. Because I think exercise is one of those things that everybody would agree this is something that I know is good for me and I need to do more of it, but I don't feel like it. How do we use

your research to make this easier?

>> Absolutely. So, I mentioned before the habit loop, right? Every habit has these three components. A Q, a routine, and a

three components. A Q, a routine, and a reward.

>> Okay.

>> So, if I want to start an exercise habit in my life or if you want to start an exercise habit in your life, >> okay, >> we got to figure out first of all, we have to choose a Q.

>> Okay.

>> A Q usually falls into one of five categories. It's a certain place, the

categories. It's a certain place, the presence of certain other people, a particular emotion, a particular time of day, or a preceding

behavior that has become ritualized.

>> Okay?

>> So, if I want to build an exercise habit, I'm going to build as many cues as I as I can. I'm going to say, "Okay, look, when I exercise, I'm going to set the alarm for 7:00. I'm going to have my

running shoes right next to my bed. I'm

gonna I'm gonna plan on meeting my friend Jim. Okay. At the corner. Yep.

friend Jim. Okay. At the corner. Yep.

>> Right. So, here's what I've done. I've

created three cues for myself. A time of day, >> uh a certain environment, a a particular place cuz I see my shoes.

>> That's a reminder.

>> And then the presence of certain other people, right? Cuz gym Jim's going to be

people, right? Cuz gym Jim's going to be pissed if I don't show up to like after we planned a run together. Y

>> So now I've set some cues for my exercise routine. And the Q, the

exercise routine. And the Q, the important thing about the Q is it is there to kind of go ding ding ding, Charles.

>> That's exactly right.

>> This is the time to do this thing you said you were going to do >> over time. Just seeing that Q will make you automatically start exercising.

>> Okay, got it.

>> So, we we we want them to be somewhat stable and we're just going to choose them and we're just it can be anything.

We can experiment with them.

>> Then I'm going to go and I'm going to do my exercise. I'm going to run for three

my exercise. I'm going to run for three blocks.

>> Okay.

>> Right. And afterwards, as soon as I can.

So, we've done the cue, the routine. The

third part is the reward. Afterwards,

I'm gonna give myself a reward as quickly as I can.

>> And what's a what? Give me an example.

Reward.

>> A reward, let's say you go on a run. A

reward could be you have a smoothie when you come home, right? Or a reward could be you let yourself take a nice long shower. A reward could even be that you

shower. A reward could even be that you have a little calendar and you make a check every day you go for an exercise and you look at it and you think, "Oh my gosh, I have 13 checks this month. I'm

amazing."

Anything can be made into a reward. We

just have to give ourselves that reward.

Now, compare that to how most people try to start exercising, right? Here's what

they do instead. They say, "I'm going to go exercising tomorrow." And then they wake up at 7:00 and they're like tired and they're like, "Where are my shoes?

Where's my running stuff?" Then they go and they run three or four blocks and they come home and now they're running behind, right? And the kids need

behind, right? And the kids need breakfast and like so they jump in the shower. They take the fastest shower

shower. They take the fastest shower that they can. Then they're rushing to get the kids to school because they're going to be late for school. Then I'm

rushing to my office and as soon as I get to my office, I wasn't able to do all those emails. What I'm doing in that case, I'm actually punishing myself for exercising that morning.

>> That's so true. And then the next morning when you wake up, you're like, I don't feel like doing this cuz I don't have enough time because you're thinking about the fact that yesterday it didn't work. Your brain pays attention to what

work. Your brain pays attention to what you reward yourself for and what you punish yourself for. And if you punish yourself for exercising, even if you don't mean to punish yourself for exercising, even if just not thinking

about it ahead of time makes what happens afterwards a punishment, your brain will be like, "I don't want to exercise anymore. I'm not going to make

exercise anymore. I'm not going to make that easier."

that easier." >> Wow. So, it sounds like the single

>> Wow. So, it sounds like the single biggest mistake that each and every one of us makes is not understanding these three components and not being intentional about what they are

>> because if you don't have the three components, you're not locking in the pieces that make it automatic.

>> That's exactly right.

>> You know what I can give? I want to give two examples to see if these are accurate. So, if you've ever trained a

accurate. So, if you've ever trained a dog, like we have this dumb thing that we always say, let's go see the puppy.

That's like the verbal cue to be like, "We're going outside and we're walking to the part of the lawn where I hope I'm going to train you to go number two or number one."

number one." >> Right?

>> The pattern I'm looking for is walk with me after that queue. Let's go see the puppy. And then when they go to the

puppy. And then when they go to the bathroom, what do we do? We give them a biscuit. And that's the reward.

biscuit. And that's the reward.

>> That's exactly right.

>> Because now you're getting the dog to be trained to understand that that verbal cue leads to the biscuit.

>> That's exactly. And well, let's talk about what happens in your brain. Your

brain, the basil ganglia actually will take that Q, that routine, the behavior >> Q, routine, reward. It'll connect them and actually make the neural synapses between those parts of your brain that

are involved with that activity, make them thicker, so it's easier for an for an electrical impulse to run down that synapse and to actually activate that part of your brain. Your brain is designed, just like our dog's brain,

just like every brain of any animal on Earth, your brain is designed to build habits. Because if you didn't have

habits. Because if you didn't have habits, you wouldn't know how to stand up from your chair. If you were walking down the street and you saw an apple in a rock, you would have to stop and think, which one of those should I pick

up and eat? Habits are a energy saving technique that our brain uses so that we can think about other things.

You know what's interesting is that as I think about the example of training a dog, the second I say, "Let's go see the puppy." I know the dog is not treat

puppy." I know the dog is not treat thinking about peeing, the dog is thinking about a treat. And you know, if I think back to a period of my life

where I had a rock solid, I'm talking keystone made of granite, thick, amazing habit of exercising every day. It was

when I was a young mom and there was a particular yoga studio that I loved and I would always go to this particular class. So, I would set my alarm and I

class. So, I would set my alarm and I would put my uh my yoga outfit on the floor at night so that when I woke up, it was right there. I had to see it. I

typically met a friend there and afterwards there was a great bakery across the street where I could get a latte and if I had the kids in tow and they were reading a book they could get

like a chocolate chip muffin and what's interesting and maybe you can explain this is that the second the alarm went off once I had done this several weeks

in a row and I saw the yoga close which in your language is a cue. the queue.

We're going to yoga now. We're doing the walk now. We're going to go, you know,

walk now. We're going to go, you know, do our stretches now. Whatever your form of exercises is, you've got the queue.

Okay, I'm doing it.

>> The second I saw those clothes, do you know what? I thought about

know what? I thought about >> the latte.

>> Yeah.

>> I literally could feel the taste of this ice latte. What is happening in your

ice latte. What is happening in your brain that makes you not think about the exercise, but actually makes you start to think about the biscuit if you're a dog or the latte if you're Melro? the

reward you're going to get at the end of it. So, I mentioned before that habits

it. So, I mentioned before that habits exist to help our brain save energy. And

our brains always want to save energy.

That's that's one of a brain's big goals. And so, it wants to take as many

goals. And so, it wants to take as many decisions out of your life as possible.

And so, one of the things that your brain is doing is it's saying, "Okay, if X happens, if I see X, if this Q emerges in my life, I want to make this behavior that I know delivers a reward to me as

simple and easy and automatic as possible. I don't want to have to think

possible. I don't want to have to think about it. I don't want to have to work

about it. I don't want to have to work at it. I don't have to want to use my

at it. I don't have to want to use my willpower to make it happen.

>> And the way that I do that is I actually power down the brain.

>> The basil ganglia, when you're in the grip of a habit, you are actually thinking less.

>> You're actually not making decisions.

You're just acting automatically. And

we've all felt that before, right? We've

all felt that it feels kind of relaxing like when you're when you're driving to the store and you get onto the road that usually takes you home and suddenly you find yourself home and you're like, "Oh, I didn't mean to come home. I meant to go to the store >> or how did I even get here? I don't

remember driving.

>> Right? It's because you're relaxed because you're not having to think about it. So, what's happening when you would

it. So, what's happening when you would wake up in the morning and you would see those workout clothes and you started imagining the latte, your brain was saying, "The best way to make it easy for Mel to go do yoga cuz I know that

yoga is good for her because it delivers a latte. I know I know it's something

a latte. I know I know it's something that she wants because it's something that's important to her. The best way I can help her is I can actually take away all the need for willpower. I'm gonna

make it automatic for her. And the thing is once it's automatic, we hardly even have to think about it. We just do it.

>> Wow. All right. Well, let's move on to keystone habit number two. So the first one, if you want a ripple effect, exercise.

>> Absolutely.

>> What is the second keystone habit?

>> So the second keystone habit is to have a morning routine. And morning routines are really, really powerful. Um folks

who are listening they might have heard about these speeches that were given about making your bed right that that a number of commencement speeches the speakers have said the most important thing you can do as a college graduate

is make your bed in the morning. Now why

what is it about a making your bed in the morning? Well a morning routine

the morning? Well a morning routine oftent times determines how we feel about the rest of our day and how we feel about our day influences the choices that we make and the habits that

come out during that day. Now a morning routine, every morning routine should have three components and it's easy to remember. It's arc arc.

remember. It's arc arc.

>> Okay, >> a morning routine should first of all create anticipation for the day, right?

And anticipation means maybe I'm choosing maybe I'm just thinking about one thing I'm excited about today. I'm

just going to take 30 seconds and I'm just going to imagine like you know I'm going to lunch with Mel. I'm really

looking forward to that. I've got

anticipation for the day. The second

thing R is relaxation.

when I >> relaxation >> relaxation. Now, that doesn't mean it

>> relaxation. Now, that doesn't mean it has to be a lot of relaxation, >> but I'm gonna let my nervous system calm down a little bit. That might mean literally I just have a nice cup of of

tea and like do the whle. It might mean I take a shower and then and I just let myself kind of like relax in the shower for 10 or 15 seconds, right? So, arc,

anticipation, relaxation. Then the third thing that a morning routine ought to have to be really powerful is to have connection that you want to connect with at least

one other person sometime in the morning. Now that might mean that it's

morning. Now that might mean that it's your husband. It might mean it's your

your husband. It might mean it's your kids. It might mean it's your dog. It

kids. It might mean it's your dog. It

might mean that you feed the fish. But

that sense of connection is going to wake something up in you that means you will seek out connection during the day.

And we are happiest when we're socializing with other people. So those

are the three components.

>> Those are the three components of building a morning routine.

>> Wow.

>> And they're really simple. It's very

straightforward. So let's take making your bed as an example. Okay. Right. So

it's not actually just the making the bed that matters.

>> What matters?

>> What matters is that when I'm making that bed, I'm saying to myself, you know what? I'm going to start by making the

what? I'm going to start by making the like today's going to be a good day. I'm

in I'm doing the anticipation. Today's

going to be a good day. I started I woke up. I'm going to my room looks really

up. I'm going to my room looks really nice. The comforter is all smooth. This

nice. The comforter is all smooth. This

is going to be a good day. Anticipation,

relaxation.

Actually, when you're making that bed, like oftentimes, one of the things that happens is you kind of just like feel like I have time this morning. You have

to have a schedule that gives you the time to make your true >> you have to you have to have time to relax, right? If you wake up at the last

relax, right? If you wake up at the last minute, you can't make your bed. So, if

you set your alarm a little bit earlier so that you can make your bed, now suddenly you've got time to have that cup of coffee, to to read the paper, to do the whle. So, you've got the anticipation, you got the relaxation,

the connection. Most of the time when I

the connection. Most of the time when I make that bed, it's also I'm making my wife's bed, right? My wife and I, we sleep in the same bed.

>> And so, when I make that bed, I'm doing something nice for her. I'm connecting

to her. Now, she might have already left for the day, but simply reminding myself, I'm going to make this bed look nice for Liz when she comes home, that gives me that connection. So something

as simple as making a bed which takes what 15 20 seconds that is enough to build a morning routine that can change the rest of your day.

>> So that's the way that you can start to lock in this keystone habit is when you get out of bed, make the bed, but take a little bit of time and be present as

you're doing it to get all of that goodness that the research says. And

then you can add on from there.

>> You can add on from there. And the thing that is you might have noticed is that >> we're giving oursel a reward, right?

>> What is the reward?

>> Well, the cue is that I'm waking up. I

look at the at the unmade bed and I'm going to go make the bed. Right? There's

the queue. There's the routine. I'm

making the bed.

>> The reward is >> that I'm giving myself a little bit of uh a little bit of like props, right? I

did something nice for my wife. I should

feel pretty good about myself. That's

>> my room's clean. I don't have to do this later.

>> I look at my room and it looks amazing.

That's kind of a reward.

>> Now, are there other examples of things you could do in the morning that check off the ARC?

>> Absolutely.

>> What are they?

>> They can be anything. The key isn't that there are some behaviors that are more powerful than others. The key is to take the behavior you want and to give it that anticipation, that relaxation, and that connection.

>> Okay. So, because I know that the person listening is like me and they're like, "Just tell me what to do." Right? So,

you're basically saying that it's not that there's particular things in the morning routine that are more important than others. It's that you need to

than others. It's that you need to create this keystone habit of having your routine of something you do in the morning every morning simply for the sake of creating anticipation,

relaxing a little, which means just actually slowing yourself down so your morning doesn't start like a tornado.

>> Yeah.

>> And what was the CC connection? some

connection either to yourself, to another person, to being present in the moment. So, are examples like

moment. So, are examples like meditation?

>> Absolutely. Meditation is a great example, right? Cuz when you're

example, right? Cuz when you're meditating, usually what you're doing is you're like anticipating a little bit the rest of the day, right? I I really want to like get centered because I have that meeting coming up and I'm looking forward to it, but I don't want to be

too excited, right? I'm relaxing because meditation is relaxation and I'm connecting with myself. Connection

doesn't have to be with another person.

I can connect with myself or let's take morning journaling or saying a prayer every morning. The there's a number of

every morning. The there's a number of people who find that a keystone habit in their life that's really powerful their morning routine is that they wake up and they say a prayer. Why would that be

powerful? Well, it's because first of

powerful? Well, it's because first of all, as I'm saying that prayer, I'm often times thinking about >> the people I want to help, the people that that I'm going to see my son tonight. I want him to be safe, but I'm

tonight. I want him to be safe, but I'm excited to see him. There's that

anticipation.

I'm in a moment of contemplation and that's relaxing and I'm connecting to whoever you're praying to. The

connection doesn't have to be with another person. It can be with ourel. It

another person. It can be with ourel. It

can be with a spirit. But that

connection reminds us how much value we get from socializing with other people with spending time being part of a community.

>> Now, you talked about how exercise creates this ripple effect. And there's

all this research that shows that people that exercise stop smoking. They spend

less money during the day. They make

other healthy choices. How does creating a habit of a morning routine that has this anticipation, this slowing down and relaxing and being in the moment and the

connection to self or connection to nature or connection to another person?

How is it that having something you do every morning that has those three things, how does that ripple through your day?

>> In two ways. Well, one of them is when you have that morning routine, you actually have to kind of plan for it, >> right? If I know that I'm going to start

>> right? If I know that I'm going to start making my bed in the morning, I'm gonna I I figured out yesterday that like I tried to make my bed and it was just I ran out of time. So, today I'm going to

set my alarm 5 minutes earlier, right?

So, I have time to make my bed.

>> And also, you're thinking I'm just the kind of person that makes my bed, which means I'm orderly.

>> I'm organized organized. I'm

disciplined. I'm the kind of person who can go do other great stuff because I woke up this morning and I made my bed.

>> So, that's a really important part of it is I'm changing my self-image.

>> I'm forcing myself to plan a little bit.

But most of all, what I'm really doing is I'm reminding myself to be intentional.

>> Huh?

>> Think about all the times in your life when you've been most intentional, right? when you the the gifts you get

right? when you the the gifts you get for your husband that you really think about, the party that you plan, the thing you're going to say to your kid that like really like is something

meaningful, the more intentional we are, the more we achieve our goals, and the happier we are. And there's something about building a morning routine, a

morning ritual that allows us to be intentional about it. And when we are intentional, what we're doing is we're giving ourselves the gift of being able to think about the rest of our day, the

rest of our week, all the things we want to accomplish that now feel like they're within grasp. What does the research say

within grasp. What does the research say about the difference between a person that has a habit of having a morning routine that creates anticipation,

relaxation, meaning we're slowing down, we're not running through the morning like a freaking tornado, and connection to something like yourself or other people or something important to you?

What's the difference between that person, even if it's just making your bed, and somebody who doesn't have morning routine? What's the research

morning routine? What's the research say?

Well, what the research says is that when you have that morning routine, you tend to make much better decisions. And

in particular, you tend to make better decisions on what to focus on. Right?

So, if you think about the challenges that we all face every day in life, a lot of them are there's some things that I want to be able to focus on, but I get distracted. I get distracted by someone

distracted. I get distracted by someone bringing me a problem. I have to react to my kids. I get distracted by my phone. and I get distracted by this

phone. and I get distracted by this email that just came on and I'm suddenly worrying about something.

>> Yeah, >> we want to accomplish the things that we care about and those distractions are the things that draw us away from it.

And when we start with a morning routine because of that intentionality, what we're saying is we're saying I'm the kind of person who doesn't react. I'm

the kind of person who is proactive, who makes choices about where to focus my attention. And that's really really

attention. And that's really really powerful because as we start defining ourselves as a person who makes proactive choices rather than reacting to the chaos of life, then suddenly we start seeing ourselves in that light.

And when that notification pops up on your phone, you say, "Whatever. I I'll

wait until later to deal with it. I'm

focused on what I want to be focused on right now."

right now." >> Wow. So knowing that the person

>> Wow. So knowing that the person listening is probably a lot like me and they're like, "Okay, but what's the list of things that should be in the morning routine?" I mean, clearly you can

routine?" I mean, clearly you can exercise because that's another keystone habit. So now you're powering up two

habit. So now you're powering up two things, but if you had to give somebody like a menu of things to choose from if they're building a morning routine based on the research, what are kind of the

top five things that you would want somebody to think about?

>> And obviously we got to bring the uh ARC framework to it. Yeah. Right. Where

we're actually infusing what we're doing with it. But what are like the actual

with it. But what are like the actual things to do that based on the research are kind of the big ones. So, there's a couple of things that we know consistently have a powerful effect on people when they do them in the morning.

>> Okay?

>> In addition to making your bed, if you do something that has an organizational element, it makes you feel settled. It

brings that relaxation. It usually gives you a chance as you're organizing to think about the day. And often times when we're organizing, we're doing it for other people.

>> Like what? Give me an example.

>> I wake up every morning and I go through the house and I pick up all the stuff that my kids have left on. They leave

cups everywhere. There's cups on every single surface. I pick up all the cups

single surface. I pick up all the cups and I bring them to the sink and I put them in the sink. That's one of my morning rituals. Another one is eating

morning rituals. Another one is eating breakfast, right? When we sit down and

breakfast, right? When we sit down and we eat breakfast with our family or even if we eat breakfast by ourselves, that is a morning ritual that we know has huge impacts. In fact, the National

huge impacts. In fact, the National Weight Loss Registry, the largest database of people who have lost weight on Earth, say that there are two major things that determine if you lose weight. And one of them is eating

weight. And one of them is eating breakfast.

>> Really?

>> Now, why is eating breakfast so powerful in helping me lose weight? Because I'm

eating. Well, for two things. Number

one, I'm not hungry later in the day. It

helps me regulate my meals. I feel a sense of discipline. But number two, if I have a breakfast routine, it means that I have created space in my life for having breakfast.

>> I'll bet you I'm like, look, I have to have breakfast every single morning.

It's going to take 10 minutes to eat that bowl of cereal. I need to set my alarm 10 minutes earlier. Now suddenly

I'm being intentional. Now suddenly I'm planning what my day is going to be like. So if you can do something that

like. So if you can do something that has an organizational element, that's going to be powerful. If you eat breakfast, that's going to be powerful.

Number three is if you get a chance to spend time with other people. Now that

might mean spending time with your kids at the breakfast table. It might mean that you walk to work with your friend and you guys meet up and you walk over together. It might mean that you're

together. It might mean that you're taking your dog for a walk or you're giving him a cuddle. Right? When I find a habit that has some socialability to

it, that's going to be a powerful morning routine. And then from there, it

morning routine. And then from there, it can be almost anything you want it to be. As long as you decide this is a

be. As long as you decide this is a behavior I want to do every morning as part of my morning routine. I'm going to journal every morning. I'm going to say a prayer every morning. I'm going to

meditate every morning. Whatever it is, I'm going to call up a friend. I'm going

to listen to this comedian that I like.

Whatever it is, as long as you're planning around it, you have a sense of anticipation for the event, it creates anticipation for the day, you're relaxing because it's something you enjoy, and you feel connected to something, then it's going to be

powerful.

>> I love that. I absolutely love that. Is

there any mistake that you see people making in terms of not being able to lock in >> Yeah.

>> the habit of a morning routine that has these elements?

>> The mistake that we sometimes make is that we don't allow ourselves to enjoy the reward.

What is the reward?

>> Well, okay, let's talk about exercise for a minute. Think about how many people say like, you know, I went I went for a run this morning and then I let myself have a really good kale smoothie.

That is not a reward. Nobody likes a kale smoothie, right? We drink them because it feels virtuous to us. But the

people who are going to continue exercising are the ones who say, "I had a kale smoothie and then I added some fruit to it and I put a little bit of sugar in it." or I had a strawberry smoothie which is a little bit less healthy than a kale smoothie but you

know what I really like it oftentimes bec particularly in America because we we are stoics right we don't like to reward ourselves >> speak for yourselves but okay go ahead [laughter]

>> often times we try and punish ourselves for doing the right thing right I just went on that long run and now instead of just like lazing in front of the TV now I'm going to go lift some weights so the

biggest mistake that we make when it comes to morning rituals or when its comes to any other habit that we're building is not giving oursel a reward and then not letting ourselves enjoy the reward.

>> Well, I don't know what the reward is in the morning routine.

>> Okay. So, which which routine are we talking about?

>> Uh let's just say I'm I'm meditating.

>> Okay.

>> Which I don't have as a habit, so I don't know why I'm picking that one, but that's that's one.

>> So, what's when you do meditate, how do you usually feel afterwards?

>> Well, when I have meditated in the past, I feel accomplished. I feel more present.

I feel um proud of myself that I did it, that I'm the kind of person that meditates because I'm married to somebody who is that kind of person.

>> And so so those are all the beginnings of rewards. The question is how do we

of rewards. The question is how do we make them into a reward because if you feel accomplished, if you feel proud of yourself, that's a reward. It's a reward you're giving yourself. So how do we make it into something tangible?

>> I don't know.

>> We turn and we write it down. We keep a calendar where we say, "Oh, I meditated today. I'm going to check off that

today. I'm going to check off that thing."

thing." >> And what about the cups? So, how does the cups like you picking up the Cuz I love that example. Yeah,

>> I can visualize it because I have people that our kids just visited. There's

stuff everywhere.

>> You know what? You know what the reward is? There's two of them. First of all,

is? There's two of them. First of all, when once I'm done collecting all the cups, I put them in the sink.

>> I walk through the house and I just look and go, [sighs] >> I let myself enjoy a clean house. I

think this is super important because what I'm gathering from this and we'll get to the third keystone habit in just a second is that if you really do just embrace it's the cue which signals that we're about to do this thing

>> right >> and for me I do make my bed every morning and one of the cues is that I've got all these throw pillows I'm psycho about pillows when I get up it's not the unmade bed it's the fact that the pillows are on the floor

>> I love it >> that actually trigger me to turn around and do it immediately and then I also do this thing where I like karate chop the pillow to give it that nice like

interior design like looking thing. And

there's something so satisfying about that. But what I realize is that I rush

that. But what I realize is that I rush past it once it's done. And I don't often take that moment to savor what I

just did. Now I in the exercise example,

just did. Now I in the exercise example, I definitely Oh, this latte tastes so good.

>> Yeah. And so I'm locking in the habit by actually enjoying the aftermath of the reward. I'm starting to realize

reward. I'm starting to realize >> that's exactly right. And or and what if when you made that bed, what if you literally took 4 seconds >> to look at those pillows that you just put that dent in that looks perfect and

say like, >> you know, this bed looks great. I I I am the kind of person who has an amazing bed like this. That's a reward you can give yourself. But you're right, you

give yourself. But you're right, you have to let yourself savor it. The other

reward that I get from clearing up all those cups is that my wife comes down and she looks around and she says, "Oh, it looks nice down here."

>> If you are having trouble locking in a new behavior and making something a habit, right? And it could be anything,

habit, right? And it could be anything, balancing your checkbook, it could be, I don't know, making healthy dinners, it could be meditating, it could be not spending money on frivolous things. Is

it fair to say that one of the things that you should probably do is take a look at the thing you're trying to make a habit and go, "Okay, do I even have a cue?"

cue?" >> Yeah.

>> Do I know what the repeatable behavior is? Because one of the things for me

is? Because one of the things for me with exercise that it sounds dumb, but unless I actually plan ahead what I'm going to do, like I know this class I'm

going to stream or I know the thing that I'm going to go to, it all falls apart.

Because even though I might have the time I'm doing it, now I have to stop and think about what I'm actually doing.

>> And and there's a reason why it falls apart from science.

>> It's what's known as hot mind and cold mind.

>> Hot mind and cold mind.

>> Yeah. So, let me ask you this. Is it

easier to eat healthy when you walk past an ice cream store and you just had dinner or when you're starving?

>> Well, it's easier to eat healthy when I've just had dinner.

>> Okay. Right. Exactly. You don't stop at the ice cream store, right?

>> If I'm starving, we're making a U-turn.

>> Because when you're starving, your mind is in a hot mind place.

>> You're at the moment where you have to make a decision. And our brain hates making decisions. So, what it does is it

making decisions. So, what it does is it makes the first easiest decision that it can. So, how do we overcome this

can. So, how do we overcome this instinct? We make decisions when we're

instinct? We make decisions when we're in a cold mind state.

>> Oh, >> I I'm going to exercise tomorrow morning. You know what? I'm gonna decide

morning. You know what? I'm gonna decide what class I'm going to do right now before I go to bed because it's not that hard to decide right now. I'm just going to do this one class. I know that I like it. I'll just ceue it up. Now, if you

it. I'll just ceue it up. Now, if you wake up that morning and you're like, I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I got to get

I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I got to get to work. You're in a hot mind state. You

to work. You're in a hot mind state. You

can't make a decision about what class to do, your brain's going to say like, I'm I I feel too overwhelmed. This is

too much. It's too much anxiety. I'm

just gonna I'm just gonna say skip exercise today. Let's go to the next

exercise today. Let's go to the next thing.

>> A thousand%. That happens all the time.

So the key is you make a decision before you have to make the decision. And this

is known within science as implementation intentions. Okay?

implementation intentions. Okay?

>> An implementation intention is when I say from a cold state, I say tomorrow morning when I see X, I'm going to do Y >> tomorrow morning when I wake up and I

see my my that I I see the alarm clock going off and I see my workout clothes that I left on the ground. I'm going to go do that class. I've already decided what class I'm going to take. I don't

have to decide in the morning cuz deciding is too much hard work. My brain

wants to avoid it.

>> I love this cuz you're making it easier.

Like when I think about exercise, I exercise consistently when I'm in Boston recording episodes cuz I know the class I'm going to go to. I meet my buddy Lynn before the class. It's the same time

every time. And I have a latte

every time. And I have a latte afterwards. Perfect.

afterwards. Perfect.

>> So those are the conditions that I need to put in place in order to make it easier when I'm in my normal life because I am deciding what to do with a hot emotional I don't want to exercise mind.

>> Right. That's exa and and you asked is it worth actually like sitting down and figuring out these components. Here's

what I do when I want to build a new habit or when I want to change a habit.

I pull out a piece of paper and I write down the cue, the routine, and the reward. I literally will say like,

reward. I literally will say like, "Okay, my cue for running is I'm going to call Greg right now and ask him to meet me tomorrow morning at 9:30 at this

corner." Right? My plan I'm not going to

corner." Right? My plan I'm not going to just run wherever. I'm not going to decide wait until I'm running to decide where to go. I'm going to plan out my route. Here's my routine.

route. Here's my routine.

>> And you know what? When I'm done, we're going to be near that one cafe and they have that almond croissant that I love.

I'm going to let myself have an almond croissant. I'm going to buy myself an

croissant. I'm going to buy myself an almond croissant. Literally, it takes

almond croissant. Literally, it takes again 20 seconds to plot out what the habit loop for exercise is, but I'm doing it in a frame of mind where it's going to be so much easier to do it

tomorrow because it's just going to be automatic.

>> I love that. Cold versus a hot mind.

Boom. Let's move on to keystone habit number three.

>> Yeah.

>> What is it?

>> Keystone habit number three is to track something in your life.

>> What?

>> Yeah, I know it sounds >> that sounds like the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Track something in my

ever heard. Track something in my lifetime.

>> So, here's a good example. Here's an

example. I know that that you drink water. You you

water. You you >> Yes.

>> Okay. So, do you do you know how much water you had to drink today?

>> Uh, yes. I have had one and a half of these. I've got And if you're not

these. I've got And if you're not watching on YouTube, this is a mason one of these big widemouth mason jars. I

love these because this is four cups of water. You know, it's surprisingly hard

water. You know, it's surprisingly hard to track how much water you're drinking.

>> That's exactly right. Why? Why would we track how much we drink when we're thirsty and we don't drink when we're not thirsty? But let me ask you this.

not thirsty? But let me ask you this.

>> Yes.

>> Why Why do you use that mason jar? Why

do you track how much?

>> Well, because I'm trying to drink I'm going to like completely blow it on the math. I try to drink four of these a day

math. I try to drink four of these a day >> because I want to make it a habit to be very hydrated and to drink a lot of water because I just feel better. I have

more energy health-wise. I feel better.

And I can't remember what the four cups 16 cups of water. I don't know how much water that is, [laughter] but but that's what I'm trying to do. So, I know I need four of these >> to get that done.

>> So, what you just told me is you told me the why for this behavior, which is really powerful.

>> Okay.

>> You said, "I want to drink more water. I

want to be hydrated because it gives me more energy." Yep.

more energy." Yep.

>> It makes me happier. It feels healthy to me.

>> Yep.

>> You're telling yourself the why. Now,

drinking water, it you're going to drink plenty of water. Like, you'll drink water when

water. Like, you'll drink water when you're thirsty, right? But when you start tracking how much water you're drinking, you're reminding yourself of the why that matters to you. You're

giving that activity meaning and purpose. When you pick up that glass and

purpose. When you pick up that glass and you take a sip, >> yes, >> part of your brain is saying, you know what? I'm taking care of myself.

what? I'm taking care of myself.

>> But you know what I said now is I said, shoot, I'm behind. I got to get going on the drinking because I only had one and a half of these suckers. I've been busy talking to my friend Charles. [laughter]

I need to get going with the water.

>> Well, and the best thing is it's super easy to drink more water, right? Like

literally, you just pick up the cup and you put it to your lips. You can

accomplish that goal in seconds.

>> But why is learning to track things?

Like what does the research say about, let's say, I don't know, tracking what you eat, tracking the number of steps that you have, tracking the spending that you're I don't want to track this stuff, Charl.

I mean, that's it's actually hard to track what you're doing. It can be hard and you have to choose the right thing, right?

>> Okay. So,

>> what does the research say? Like the

research says is >> think about how much of your day you spend on autopilot, right? The great

thing about a habit is that it feels like it's autopilot. You don't have to think about the thing you're doing.

>> What's the drawback to that?

>> The drawback to that is that you stop making choices, right? You start

reacting instead of proacting.

>> But equally, >> there's nothing there to remind you of your purpose. There's nothing to remind

your purpose. There's nothing to remind you of why this activity has meaning. If

I'm on autopilot, I'm just doing things without even thinking about it. Tracking

something is like a small interruption that causes us to remember the why in our life. You know, one of the things

our life. You know, one of the things that you write about, one of my favorite stories in your book, it's on page 120, is about how the research says that when

someone is trying to lose weight, that the biggest change came from simply writing down what they ate. Can you

unpack that research for us?

>> Absolutely. And this comes from, we mentioned before, the National Weight Loss Registry, the largest database of how people have lost weight.

>> One one of the big important things is eating breakfast. The second and

eating breakfast. The second and actually even more important is simply tracking some aspect of either eating or your weight. [snorts] And the reason why

your weight. [snorts] And the reason why is because two things happen when you're tracking. Number one, you start to

tracking. Number one, you start to notice patterns that you might have missed before, right? Suddenly you're

like, I'm going to write down every day what I have for breakfast. And you're

like, you know, I ate that unhealthy cereal like four times this week and the healthy cereal only three times. Like I

didn't realize I was eating that much unhealthy cereal. I'm just going to

unhealthy cereal. I'm just going to change it. I'm going to do I'm going to

change it. I'm going to do I'm going to do five healthy, two unhealthy. Right?

Suddenly I am noticing the patterns that are otherwise invisible in my life. But

the second thing is every time I pull out my pen and I write down what I had for breakfast, I'm reminding myself of the why of eating more healthily. I'm

saying in my head, >> this matters.

>> This matters. I I'm tracking this because you know what? I want to be healthy and I can be healthy and I've proven to myself that I can. There's a

professor I know who he told me he hated grading papers. like it was it's boring.

grading papers. like it was it's boring.

It's just like it's the worst part of his job. And he told me this is what he

his job. And he told me this is what he does every time he sits down to grade a paper is he says if I grade this paper then the students going to pay tuition and if they pay tuition they're going to

fund my laboratory and in my laboratory I'm trying to cure cancer. So by grading this paper I am helping to cure cancer.

And he said as soon as he does that it makes grading so much easier >> because he reminded himself of the why.

When we track something, we are reminding ourselves why we're doing it, of our purpose, of our mission. We are

helping ourselves see the best side of ourselves.

>> So, how does that connect to the people that track what they eat actually lose more weight?

>> Because all of a sudden, they're reminding themselves why they're trying to eat healthily, right? I walked past that doughnut place this morning and like it'd be so easy to stop in and get

a donut, but I'm going to have to write it down in this little book and like [laughter] >> it's so true.

>> It's going to be so disappointing to me to write it down. So, I'm just going to skip. I'm just going to walk past it

skip. I'm just going to walk past it right now. The thing is this tracking,

right now. The thing is this tracking, it doesn't have to be really cumbersome.

It doesn't even have to be complete.

Sometimes just writing down what you had for one meal matters. Sometimes tracking

how much water you're drinking. Now, my

my guess is if I asked you how much water you drank yesterday, you'd say, "I I don't know. I think I drank three. I

think I drank four." Right.

>> Yeah. I think so.

>> Yeah. Yeah. You So, achieving the goal that you're looking for is not the point of the tracking. The tracking is to remind you, oh, Mel, I'm the kind of person who who wants to be healthy, who wants to have a lot of energy.

>> It's keeping you present and intentional about what you're doing.

>> That's exactly right. That's what the tracking does.

>> Well, I could see how that absolutely helps if like I I I think most of us probably don't even realize how much money we're spending. That's exactly

right.

>> Because we're shopping online or we're like double clicking or we're scanning with our phone or we're using a credit card.

>> So, I'll tell you what I do for money. I

use a pro I have a a website that downloads all of my transactions and once a week I set aside 15 minutes and I go through and I just look at them.

>> Wow.

>> That's my tracking. My tracking is it only takes 15 minutes a week. But you

know what? I sometimes

>> What changed by you doing that?

>> Well, what changed is that a couple things. Number one, if I do that 15

things. Number one, if I do that 15 minutes a week, I suddenly say like, you know what, this one charge keeps coming up. I think that's a subscription that I

up. I think that's a subscription that I got like two years ago that I totally forgot about. I'm going to go cancel

forgot about. I'm going to go cancel that subscription. So, I'm actually

that subscription. So, I'm actually saving money. But the other thing that's

saving money. But the other thing that's happening is that sometimes when I pull out my credit card, I'm thinking to myself, okay, I know that I'm tracking what I'm spending, right? Like this is going to show up when in that 15-minute

review, do I really need this thing?

Like, do I really need to hit buy on Amazon or can I wait a day to get this thing?

>> That's what tracking gives us. And it

doesn't have to be timeconsuming. It

doesn't have to be exhaustive. It

doesn't even have to be complete. It's

just that intentionality that you mentioned that makes all the difference.

>> So for someone who's listening right now and they're like, I don't even know what to track. Like I I don't even know what

to track. Like I I don't even know what this means. So I can understand how the

this means. So I can understand how the keystone habit of exercise, right, >> has this massive ripple effect. I

understand the cue the the exercise planning. So do it with a cold mind so

planning. So do it with a cold mind so you know what you're going to do. And I

understand the importance of the reward and savoring it. I also can understand keystone habit number two. So the

morning routine and being able to anticipate a great day ahead, being able to slow yourself down and relax into the day, being able to create connection through all the different things that we could try, whether it's making your bed

or meditating. I can see how that could

or meditating. I can see how that could make me more productive. I could see how that could set the tone for my day. I

can see that how that has a positive ripple effect. But when we get to number

ripple effect. But when we get to number three and it's like tracking, I'm like, Charles, this says likew

but but no, but I but I can see that it's actually a habit of being intentional in the moment.

>> That's exactly right.

>> So, so how could you implement this and maybe like is there a good way or a particular thing to start with or should we combine it with exercise or what should we do? Let's do it with you.

Let's build Let's build a new a new um thing that you're tracking. Okay.

>> So, let me just ask if there's something that you wish you did more of or less of. Anything on in life, like

of. Anything on in life, like >> take more steps, take fewer steps.

>> Oh.

>> Um maybe uh eat more breakfast with your husband. Uh eat more blueberries in the

husband. Uh eat more blueberries in the morning. Anything at all. If there's

morning. Anything at all. If there's

something that What What do you wish you could do more of or less of? Um, I wish I was consistently

going to bed earlier.

>> Perfect. Perfect. Okay.

>> I mean, I'm pretty good, but I definitely in those hot moments, Charles, >> absolutely. You're watching myself like,

>> absolutely. You're watching myself like, why did I stay up two extra hours? Why

did I Yeah. You know what I mean?

>> Was that television show really that compelling?

>> Did I really like how did I just waste an hour on my phone?

>> Did I actually have to send that email or read what's happen? How do I do this?

So, okay. So, we're going to build a habit around going to bed early.

>> Okay.

>> Before we do that, we're going to talk about how to how you're going to track it.

>> Okay?

>> So, every night when you go, I want you to have a little book next to your bed.

>> Okay?

>> Before you get under the covers, just take out your pen and just write down the date and what time it it says on the clock.

>> Oh my god, I'm already feeling nervous.

>> It's going to take 10 seconds.

>> I know, but I'm feeling like, oh my god, I'm about to find out that I have a point of view about myself that is not true.

>> Now, here's what's interesting. I'm

sitting here telling you on my own podcast, Charles, and I [laughter] go to bed early every night like my husband does. And I think I'm going to find out

does. And I think I'm going to find out Mel Robbins is a liar. [laughter]

Actually, it's like 10:30, Mel. It's not

9:30.

>> And here's the dirty secret is that Mel Robbins already knows that she's a liar.

>> Oh my god. No.

>> And you feel bad about it. You're not

admitting it to yourself, but you feel bad that you go to when you every night when you go to bed late, you still feel a little bit bad about it. But now now you're taking a step to get better at it.

>> Oh my gosh. Now you're moving in the right direction. You don't have to feel

right direction. You don't have to feel bad anymore. And let's say tonight you

bad anymore. And let's say tonight you go to bed at 10:30 and you write down 10:30 in your book. That's okay.

>> It's just data.

>> It's just data cuz you're running an experiment.

>> You know what else I'm realizing is there's so many things like this in my life. Like for example, I am the world's

life. Like for example, I am the world's best, cleanest, most like food eater. I

I would get a A++ from any expert that comes in here and talks about health and nutrition. I'm pretty good about getting

nutrition. I'm pretty good about getting my walk in every day or moving my body.

Dude, the wheels are off at 8:00 p.m.

There is something about that time period where I realize now I have a habit. I stand in front of our pantry

habit. I stand in front of our pantry and I pull open the drawer and my latest like just is Khloe Kardashian's new

protein popcorn. Damn it, is it good.

protein popcorn. Damn it, is it good.

And I stand there with the bag open, stick my mitt in there, and I'm just like eating from the bag.

>> You've got into that habit. And then I roll it up and I put the clip on and I go back into the TV room like nothing ever happened.

>> Yeah.

>> So, how do I use tracking to stop myself from [laughter] doing >> so? Okay. So, so tracking can definitely

>> so? Okay. So, so tracking can definitely What I'm hearing you say in that moment is I have a habit I want to change.

>> Yes. I don't want to be like if I've gone all day, you know, you have a good day. You're like you you we got a winner

day. You're like you you we got a winner here. I have had a good day. I've

here. I have had a good day. I've

checked the boxes. I've drank the water.

I've had all the good foods. I've

connected with my people. I planned my morning. I made my bed. I moved my body.

morning. I made my bed. I moved my body.

Then I'm pouring a Manhattan and eating popcorn all day. Exactly. Like what what is happening?

>> So let's talk about because there's a difference between creating a new habit and changing an old habit.

>> Oh, >> often times when we talk about changing a habit, we refer to it as breaking a habit. I'm going to stop doing that

habit. I'm going to stop doing that thing. And what we know is we know that

thing. And what we know is we know that that's not enough. We have to use what's called the golden rule, which says >> don't try and extinguish a habit. rather

figure out what the Q and the reward are and then change the behavior so that it's something that's related to the old Q and that delivers something similar to the old reward. So let's take your popcorn habit. Okay.

popcorn habit. Okay.

>> Okay. So let me ask you what is the cue?

>> That's like the healthy version. I mean

sometimes it's the ice cream standing with the freezer open and the spoon right in the pint. [laughter]

>> So So what is the cue when you're when you're standing in front of the pantry?

Your family is standing in front of the freezer.

>> You know what it is? It's like I'm I'm somewhere else in my house and it's sort of that that zone where dinner's done and

the kids aren't home anymore. The dogs

are kind of laying down cuz they're now tired and I'm trying to decide, am I going to watch something? Am I going to read something? Am I going to log back

read something? Am I going to log back onto my computer? Am I going to have a glass of wine? Am I going to? And and

there's something about that zone. Or if

I'm watching a program and the program is like halfway done, I just find myself floating toward the kitchen.

>> Right.

>> There's something about filling that time.

>> Yeah.

>> That leads me to make the choices that aren't ne that like seem to cancel everything. It's like your chocolate

everything. It's like your chocolate croissant after the run.

>> Let me let me suggest to you what I think the cue is.

>> Please.

>> You're bored.

>> Yes.

>> You're bored and lonely.

>> You're bored and lonely. You're halfway

through an episode and you're like, "What's going to happen next?" It's kind of the most boring part of the episode.

You're you're trying to decide whether you should read a book or watch a show or do emails. It's kind of a boring question. You're bored. So that's your

question. You're bored. So that's your cue. That moment,

cue. That moment, >> by the way, I'm just realizing is also what happens that makes me stay up too late.

>> Yep.

because I then do something that then makes me stay up a little bit later and the next thing you know I'm writing 11:30 down in that damn notebook next to the bed that you told me to put there.

>> You want to fight that boredom. So So

okay, we know the cue. The cue is that you just have a and that's totally natural. Everyone has moments of boredom

natural. Everyone has moments of boredom during their day.

>> We're going to we're going to respect that cue.

>> Okay, >> now we're going to talk about the reward. What reward are you getting when

reward. What reward are you getting when you eat that popcorn or you eat that ice cream? Oh, I'm no longer bored because

cream? Oh, I'm no longer bored because I'm distracting myself.

>> Okay.

>> Yes. Like, and that's also why I pick up my phone. Like, because now instead of

my phone. Like, because now instead of being lonely or bored, I'm now distracting myself and I'm like thinking about something else. So, I've occupied my mind.

>> And you know what I love about your answer is you're exactly right. And you

didn't say, "Oh, it's because the ice cream tastes so good." Or, "Oh, it's because the the popcorn tastes so good."

That that is a small. It does. It does.

But you recognize the reward is that you need something distraction. You need

novelty, right? That's what often times when we eat something sweet, when we pick up our phone, what we're seeking is we're seeking novelty because novelty is

the opposite of boredom. So now we know the cue is boredom. The reward that you are craving is novelty is something that's distracting.

>> What's a new behavior that we could stick into that habit loop?

>> Dear God, I don't know what what does the research tell me to do? What could I do?

>> Well, um I don't know. No, let's brainstorm a little bit, right? Because because it we need a we just need a behavior that gives you some sense of novelty.

>> You know what I think I should do? I

think I should go >> find Chris.

>> Yes.

>> Or I should call Chris.

>> That's perfect.

>> Yes. Before I go to the kitchen, I'm going to pick up the phone and call somebody versus looking at something online.

>> That's exactly right. So, so here's what you've done. You have reprogrammed that

you've done. You have reprogrammed that habit. You have changed that habit by

habit. You have changed that habit by observing the golden rule, >> by observing the queue and the reward and just finding a new behavior, a new routine that corresponds to that old Q

and that old reward. And now now when you get bored tonight and you're standing in front of the pantry, you're going to think to yourself, I'm just going to call Chris. And as soon as you call Chris, you're not even going to give a second thought to going.

>> That's so true, right?

>> It's true.

>> Because you understand, you've diagnosed the cue and the reward that's driving your behaviors, and now you're in control of them. Now you're deciding what behaviors you want and which behaviors you don't want.

>> I love this. I'm about to go on a hunt for the queue. I'm going to do the cold like prediction and planning. If this

happens, then I'm going to do that and then I'm going to savor the reward. I

love this.

>> Well, and the best part is we can teach our kids to do this. I do this all the time with my kids. When my kids say, "Hey, Dad, I want to I want to go ride my bike tomorrow to school. Is that

okay?" We sit down and we say, "Okay, what's the cue? What's the cue for um like waking up and remembering to ride your bike?" Okay, you're going to have

your bike?" Okay, you're going to have to leave a little bit early, right?

Because it takes longer to ride your bike. So, let's set the alarm clock 10

bike. So, let's set the alarm clock 10 minutes early.

>> And put the helmet right next to it.

>> Yeah. And put the helmet right next to it so that you remember your helmet. You

don't have to look for it. And then the routine is riding your bike. And what's

the reward? I ask my kids and they say, "Oh, well, you know, after school, I'm going to get to go hang out with my friends cuz now we can ride our bike all over town." So now he's reminding

over town." So now he's reminding himself of the reward. He's giving

himself the reward. He's savoring the reward. When we teach our kids to do

reward. When we teach our kids to do this, we are giving them one of the strongest tools they can have to be successful in life.

>> Well, and I also love the visual of take out a piece of paper, draw three columns, what's the cue, what are all the different cues I could use, what is the cold pattern I'm going to do, and

what is the reward? And make sure to savor it. Charles, you're a genius. This

savor it. Charles, you're a genius. This

is the [laughter] best book on habits. I

love that there are super habits and that the benefit of of exercising, the benefit of getting intentional about your morning routine and the

anticipation and the slowing down and relaxing and then that connection that you create and then this notion of a habit of tracking something so that you

snap yourself into intentional behavior.

Even just listening to you, I'm literally like, I'm the kind of person that has good habits [laughter] because I know Charles. Um, if the person listening takes just one thing from this, >> yeah,

>> what is it that you want them to do?

>> What I want them to do is I want you to believe that you can change any habit.

>> There is there is someone in this world who has smoked their last cigarette today. There is someone who went and

today. There is someone who went and exercised for the first time today and in a year from now they're going to run a marathon. any habit can be changed. We

a marathon. any habit can be changed. We

have the power to be the people we want to be. And there's there's techniques,

to be. And there's there's techniques, there's lessons that we can learn to make it easier. But the science says that this is true. We can be the person

we want to be by changing our habits.

And any habit can be created, any habit can be changed. You can live the life that you want.

>> I love that. And I believe you that if we focus on these three things, the cue, the cold pattern, and the reward, then we're using science to help us do it.

Charles Dick, what are your parting words?

>> You know, my parting words are it's really easy to get down on ourselves.

>> And there's a type of habit that we haven't really talked about, which are mental habits, right? And sometimes we don't think of them as habits. We um we get down on ourselves because we start thinking about like all the things that

we should have done better, right? We

get angry because, you know, we think about like that that call that we got from our dad and it sort of riles us up.

Those are mental habits. Those are

habits that happen automatically.

There's a cue and there's a reward. And

once we recognize them as habits, we get to interrupt them.

>> So, one of the things that I do is whenever I get into one of those spirals where I start thinking about all the things I've done wrong, here's all the mistakes I've made, I force myself. I

take a that's my cue. I take a second. I

think I'm going to think of four things that I've done really well in the last month, right? And and I'm going to let

month, right? And and I'm going to let myself actually enjoy feeling that cuz there's part of us that says like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you those aren't important." No, no. I'm going to take a

important." No, no. I'm going to take a second. I'm gonna let myself savor that,

second. I'm gonna let myself savor that, you know, like my wife needed me to come pick her up at something and I showed up and I did it and I and my son was having trouble at school and we had a we had a

real conversation about it and like instead of telling him how to fix the problem, I just asked him questions so he figured out the solution on his own.

I'm going to feel good about that.

That's the reward I'm going to give myself. When I start taking control of

myself. When I start taking control of my mental habits, that's when suddenly I am in control of how happy I am. And so

that's the one parting thing that I would leave people with is if you find yourself falling into mental patterns that you don't like, just recognize they're habits. They have cues and they

they're habits. They have cues and they have rewards. You can change them like

have rewards. You can change them like just like you started running or just like you drink four glasses of water every day.

>> You're amazing. I think that should be your next book. [laughter]

>> Habits of happiness. Fabulous. Charles

Dwig, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

>> Thank you for having me, Mel. This is

such a treat. I just love this. Thank

you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. I feel smarter. I kind of feel I

here. I feel smarter. I kind of feel I don't know how you feel as you've been listening to us. Like, let's go make some habits. I mean, let's go run. Let's

some habits. I mean, let's go run. Let's

go drink more water. Let's have a morning routine. And if you can make us

morning routine. And if you can make us feel that way about habits, Charles, you absolutely nailed this. So, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Because I'm

empowered. And I know as you're listening and you're sharing this with people that you care about, you're empowered, too. And that's exactly what

empowered, too. And that's exactly what I hoped would happen. And one more thing I want to make sure in case no one else tells you. I make this a habit. I really

tells you. I make this a habit. I really

do. I make it a habit to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And this entire

better life. And this entire conversation today taught you the science and the research that shows that habits are the foundation of your life.

That if you want to change who you are, you heard Charles say it. Take a look at the habits of the kind of person that you want to be and then use the science that you learned today. Find the cue,

the cold pattern, and the reward. And

now you have the simple secret to making that behavior who you are. I love this.

All righty. I can't wait to see how this conversation changes your life and the people that you shared it with. And I

will also be waiting for you in the very next [music] episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. And thank you for subscribing.

there. And thank you for subscribing.

And I know you're thinking, "All right, Mel, enough. Tell me what to watch

Mel, enough. Tell me what to watch next." You got it. [music]

next." You got it. [music]

You're going to want to watch this video next. And I'll be waiting to welcome you

next. And I'll be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.