Wicked?, A Terrible Life, & The Golden Age Of Travel | The Tim Dillon Show #472

desk. NBC News can [music] now project that Donald Trump has won the state of Wisconsin, which means he is the winner of this race and will return to the White House as this country's [music]

47th president. [bell]

47th president. [bell] Name me one country that's ever done communism the right way.

>> Nobody can afford to live because of the billionaires.

>> Oh, you're so [ __ ] ridiculous.

>> You literally sound like a fascist.

You're a fascist.

>> Oh, everyone's a fascist. EVERYONE'S

HAND SOUND LIKE HITLER.

>> EVERYONE'S like everyone's Hitler.

[screaming] >> [music] >> Gobble gobble.

Happy Thanksgiving, >> ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Tim Dylan Show. What if you got to heaven

Dylan Show. What if you got to heaven and God was just doing a podcast? What

if that was what it was? What if that was it? You get to heaven and God hands

was it? You get to heaven and God hands you a mic and you sit on a couch and you're like, "It never ends." And God's like, "No, I'm in an ad deal." What if

that's it?

And God's like, "Isn't this wild?"

You're like, "Yeah, it's great. I I

didn't I'm happy I'm here." And then God starts laughing. You're like, "All

starts laughing. You're like, "All right, I'm gonna laugh."

God's like, "Yeah." Then God's reading an ad for calry.com.

Just seems, you know, seems to be where it's all trending, where the afterlife is just going to be a very long podcast where you get to ask God any and

he'll explain the whole thing to you.

He'll literally go through the whole thing. Like you're like, "Can you tell

thing. Like you're like, "Can you tell me about creating the world?" He's like, "Yeah, sure." And it's just, you know,

"Yeah, sure." And it's just, you know, that's just it. There's nothing after that. We've reached the end. This is the

that. We've reached the end. This is the end of things. It's just on a loop forever. It's just podcasting. Just

forever. It's just podcasting. Just

takes.

Just takes. You and God just have takes.

God's like Ariana Grande is very thin now. You go. Yeah, it's disturbing.

now. You go. Yeah, it's disturbing.

Is someone gonna get her? I mean, that poor girl, I see her on that show, on that thing, Wicked, which is uh they have the second Wicked

now that's come out. And her and that other chick, Cynthia Ivo, they're very uh odd, but that Ariana

Grande, that's that's who I'm speaking of, right? It is Ariana Grande. She

of, right? It is Ariana Grande. She

looks very thin like where I I'm worried a little bit about her and hopefully at Thanksgiving someone just kind of has a sit down with

her and go, "Honey, you're going to have to eat some of this food, you know, because it's making people a little like today you got to prove it."

No, I I am eating. Yeah. Yeah, but you got to Hey, you got to eat a little bit of this food. I know, but my stomach feels Hey.

food. I know, but my stomach feels Hey.

Hey, eat a little bit of the food. Not

just a teaspoon of mashed potatoes. You

got to eat a meal in front of everyone because if not, we're calling an ambulance. That's the way Ariana Grande

ambulance. That's the way Ariana Grande is at where you go, if you don't eat a meal in front of your family right now, we're going to call an ambulance and we're going to force a pipe down

your throat and we're going to force feed you. And if you'd rather that,

feed you. And if you'd rather that, we'll do it right at the table.

If you want to put a feeding tube in, because that's she's at feeding tube, Ariana Grande right now is at feeding tube where if a feeding tube, and I'm

not making light of this, if a feeding tube doesn't go in soon, it's game over.

So, Ariana Grande needs a feeding tube immediately. And hopefully they do at

immediately. And hopefully they do at Thanksgiving. And it might be nice.

Thanksgiving. And it might be nice.

Everyone's Thanksgiving. Even the go Ariana is having a little issue. So,

we're going to put a tube in her and she can and she can drink her dinner at Thanksgiving. Mash it all up. Here's the

Thanksgiving. Mash it all up. Here's the

thing. It doesn't have to be pretty, but it's got to get in. That's what I tell Ariana. It doesn't have to be pretty,

Ariana. It doesn't have to be pretty, but it's got to go in. So, if you want us to take some mashed potatoes, some gravy, or even like baby formula, if you want to start there with like baby

formula, and we'll put a feeding tube in you, and we can start again like you're one, we'll do that.

But yours, you're you're so thin, you look like you're going to break, and people are nervous. So, put a feeding tube in and we'll start with like baby

formula and nutrients and then we'll work up to like a smoothie made of gravy and mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving.

I want her to thrive.

God bless her. She needs to eat. Not as

much as me. I know the com not as much as me, but at is somewhere between where she is right now and where I am is the happy medium because you're going to

have to put a feeding tube in her.

There's no other way around it. Can you

get a photo of Get a photo of Ariana Grande up and write the word thin. Don't

make a liar out of me. Find a photo of her. beautiful woman, talented woman,

her. beautiful woman, talented woman, want her to get help, wicked, whatever.

You know, great on Broadway. Is it great in the movies? I haven't seen it. I'm

sure it's fine. That's not the point of this. The point of this is a warning, a

this. The point of this is a warning, a word to the wise, a warning here.

Let's get some nutrients in this woman.

Isn't it bad? Can I see it on the thing?

I can't really see it on the monitor. Is

there a way for me to see it? I guess I could look at it on my phone, but she's um she's uh very very thin and it's

disturbing a lot of people. And I just want it I want it known that the Tim Dylan show is offering to take Ariana

Grande to Smith and Winsk's restaurant steakhouse and feed her cream spinach through a feeding tube. And I don't care

who looks at us weird.

I don't care who looks at us weird. If

Ariana Grande wants to come with me at my expense to Smith Wins Woolinskies, I will I will I will put a prime rib in

a high uh velocity food processor and we will blend it and we will put it in the tube along with a cream spinach and a coconut cake. We'll get it in. All we

coconut cake. We'll get it in. All we

got to do here is get it in. Let's get

the nutrients in the in the lady.

Go down to some of these. Some of these are terrifying.

They're just they're too thin.

They're too thin.

We want we want the best for her. She's

a really talented woman and and everyone has a problem and everyone everyone does.

This is but to me now I haven't had this particular problem but this can easily be fixed with a feeding tube.

Put the tube in. It's like sleep apnnea, which I don't have, but a lot of people have it. And you put that CPAP on and

have it. And you put that CPAP on and you go to bed. Put the tube in, set it, and forget it. Get a tube in and get one

in now. And [ __ ] them. I eat through a

in now. And [ __ ] them. I eat through a tube. Tell them that. Tell them the the

tube. Tell them that. Tell them the the eating food revolt. It's I I feel revulsionate solid food. So, I eat like a baby. And there's nothing wrong with

a baby. And there's nothing wrong with it because I want um the best for her.

Now, this is interesting because this is being recorded on Wednesday. Now, happy

Thanksgiving, everyone. Thanksgiving is

passed. I hope it was good. Now, it

hasn't passed yet, but in the magic of the internet. This episode's being recorded on Wednesday night. You are

going to get this on Saturday after you uh have Thanksgiving. I am having Thanksgiving with my cousin, a lovely aunt, my cousin's uh wife, fiance wife.

I think they got married to whatever.

And they're lovely people. We're going

to a restaurant because that's the move when you're older. The move when you are older.

Um it will take a lot of stress off a family when you just stop pretending this is a family.

Stop pretending you have a family.

And it will just it takes the pressure off these situations if you have lots of fun kids and everyone's running around or even if you just have one kid and there's if there's

a point. But a lot of families, myself

a point. But a lot of families, myself included, are older uh childless exaddicts who meet very much like an AA

meeting and love each other, care about each other, sure, but it's not it's not a holiday

that's filled with and I haven't had it yet. So, by the way, I'm probably wrong

yet. So, by the way, I'm probably wrong and it's it's lovely and uh but have a reasonable expectation of what these things are. They're for children.

things are. They're for children.

Holidays are for children.

And if you don't have a big happy family, just grab a few people

in your family and don't try to cook or or do anything at someone's home. Go to

a restaurant.

You have an in and out. It starts at 4.

You're out at six.

Hug, kiss, bye-bye in the car. Don't do

anything in somebody's house unless you have an actual family. If you don't, do not pretend to release yourself from the

idea that you have to pretend to have a family. Just go to a nice restaurant

family. Just go to a nice restaurant with people that you enjoy, whether they're blood relatives or not.

And and you know, that's all you have to do.

That's all you have to do. Nobody has to be like putting a meat thermometer in the tur. Hey, cut it out. Especially all

the tur. Hey, cut it out. Especially all

you divorce heads out there like me.

Once a family has been blended and it's like a divorced family, unless you're you you get a really really good one, um

you know, there's a ceiling to the to the love that [snorts] you feel because most people will be strangers. You'll

just you'll be sitting at a table with people you don't know. Who are you?

Someone will say that when you have a divorced family, somebody at the Thanksgiving will go, who are you? and

you'll be introducing yourselves to each other at the Thanksgiving table because if that's a stranger, that's someone you don't know and you just met them because

your mommy or daddy married somebody's mommy or daddy and now you're meeting their cousin, whoever.

Just have a reasonable expectation of it.

Meet people. And sometimes the move is to hit a few Thanksgivings.

Sometimes the move is to hit a few.

We're doing dessert with other people.

You know, whether that's true or not, you don't want to get in too deep.

Again, if you're in the uh if you're in a position like I am where you're you're a child of divorce and you go to a house, you don't know who any of the people are and you're sitting there, there's a lot of kids, some young people

listen to the show, they'll be sitting at a Thanksgiving and someone will be talking to them and it'll be a stranger. They don't know who this person is. Your dad is plowing some

woman and she he may not even have married her.

your dad's banging some woman and her kid is talking to you or her sister's husband, whatever, is talking to you and you're

sitting there and you're 16 or 17 years old and you're going, "I don't know who the hell these people are. I don't know who they are. I They're not my family.

It's something. [clears throat]

There's something." And you know, you shouldn't be rude to them. You shouldn't

um you know be ungrateful for whatever they do for you. They might make you a nice dinner, but know that you are your family has failed

and you are living in the ruins of that.

Know that you're living in the ruins of what was an attempt at a life. You are

now in the ruins of of two people's lives. Your fathers and whoevers. You're

lives. Your fathers and whoevers. You're

in that now. You're in the pieces that they're trying to pick up off the floor of their life.

Doesn't mean the mashed uh potatoes aren't good, but just know that you are in an experiment.

You are now a part of an experiment uh of people who are trying to, and I don't begrudge them this, they're trying to figure out their life. It's, you

know, it's nothing to do with you.

nothing to do with you and do the best that you can in that environment. If

you're a child of divorce or you're in a blended family and maybe it's a super cool blended f like the ones on TV where everybody loves each

other and everybody and and and it's not it's not going to be.

So, you just have to do the best that you can living in the ruins

of these people's lives. They're they're

trying to create a meaningful life and you are just around and there's nothing wrong with it by the way. It's actually

good. It's actually good. Um because you you then can you know you can enjoy it and then maybe next year you go to mom's or Christmas you go with mom and whatever.

I don't know. I don't know how you're going to live your life.

But, you know, I was talking to somebody the other day about Thanksgiving Eve. People used to go out

Thanksgiving Eve. People used to go out in that analog dialup weird millennial world. People used to go out and they

world. People used to go out and they used to go to a bar with their friends when they came home from college. And I

went to community college. I didn't go anywhere. And Thanksgiving Eve, people

anywhere. And Thanksgiving Eve, people would come out. They'd get really drunk and really [ __ ] up and they'd see all the people that they knew this and then they would realize they couldn't really be friends with those people anymore

because something had changed. And what

changed was time. Time, even that little bit of it from from graduating from prom and graduation to November, which is, you know,

basically six months.

Even that has just now you're at a distance from people that you were close to. And that experience was an important

to. And that experience was an important experience going back and seeing someone and going, "Oh, we're we're kind of tight. Uh, I I was going to visit you.

tight. Uh, I I was going to visit you.

Yeah, I was going to visit you. And then

nobody visits anybody.

People do. People will occasionally, but it's the beginning of this, you know, it's the beginning of you growing up.

And that's an important thing people don't do now. People don't do they don't really go out like I mean some people do but people don't go out like that and have that experience where they would

they would see people on Thanksgiving eve and like there'd be a cool family that would let you go to their house and you'd pregame

at their house and the mom and the dad would be trying to keep it going and you'd feel it for a little bit. You'd

feel that old good oldfashioned feeling of being drunk in the suburbs in America.

That would be it's a great feeling.

Truly, it's one of the best feelings in life is being drunk in the suburbs in America at a friend's home in their

backyard smoking a weed.

Yes, you you it'll make some people schizophrenic, the weed, but that is one of the greatest feelings you can have.

But that that feeling is less and less fun as you get older and it's gets sadder and sadder and sadder as you get older and you get angrier and angrier as you get older.

And then the people who get drunk in the suburbs at my age are scary.

They're very scary. when they're really drunk in the suburbs at my age, they're they're they're usually not doing great.

But when you come back from college the first time and you get to go back to your buddy's house and then maybe some of the high school kids are there and they're LIKE, "YO, THAT WHAT'S THAT

LIKE?"

LIKE?" UM, and and I remember that and I remember I was in community college, but I was still fun and people liked having

me around, but I always felt like because a good friend of mine ended up going to Cornell. This kid that I was friends with, he ended up going to Cornell and I went nowhere. And I felt

very insecure about that as I should have, you know. Well, the joke's on him now because I'm the most important

person in the world, actually. But

but I remember that and and I and I feel bad. Part of the reason people are

bad. Part of the reason people are losing their minds right now is the internet sucks. It's not good. Your wins

internet sucks. It's not good. Your wins

are barely wins and your L's are are barely L's. Meaning like the lives that

barely L's. Meaning like the lives that everybody has created on the internet are deeply unfulfilling lives. And even

remembering like simple things that you would do, you know, with friends or whatever, these these things that are so important to do in life, people don't

even do them anymore. People don't do them. Everybody's being manipulated by

them. Everybody's being manipulated by algorithms and they're all going insane.

But life's actually kind of simple and it's not that complicated.

And and truly one of the best things you can do when you're uh you know I know everyone's like nobody wants to drink anymore or do whatever. And I'm again I'm sober 15

whatever. And I'm again I'm sober 15 years. I know that drinking can be

years. I know that drinking can be [ __ ] up. But one of the best things you can do as a young person is be drunk

in the suburbs of this country with your friends. There's only a finite amount of time that you will get to to

live a silly life without responsibilities. And you

shouldn't immediate. You should not totally get rid of that to become some political psycho or somebody who needs to make a

billion dollars in crypto tomorrow or looks max where you're smashing the bones in your jaw with a hammer.

And that's what people are doing.

They're smashing. AND THESE ARE THEY'RE ALREADY HOT. THESE PEOPLE ARE ALREADY

ALREADY HOT. THESE PEOPLE ARE ALREADY HOT. AND THEY'RE smashing bones with a

HOT. AND THEY'RE smashing bones with a hammer to make their face uh uh the shape.

And I This is a bad life. If you're

smashing the your bones with a hammer to make your fa.

Some of these guys, I GO, YOU'RE ALREADY HOT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING if that's what

HOT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING if that's what you're doing? Or if you if you if it's

you're doing? Or if you if you if it's all politics or if you are trying to be a so rich and that's

consuming your life and you're not laughing with your friends and you're not trying to meet someone like it just these lives that that people create,

they're they suck.

Truly, they're not good lives.

I you know like you you you read about these people that are radicalized from one direction or the other. They're they're they're

angry all the time and they're they're they have all this purpose and they're but but none of it's like none of it's

to like have any fun.

So everybody's trying to get rich and change the world, but no one's having any fun. I have a lot of fun. I do. I

any fun. I have a lot of fun. I do. I

try. even though sometimes it's hard because my phone is tapped and there's people trying to kill me.

Um, and by the way, and I was texted Candace this morning, you know how insulting it's going to be when I find out how much they paid for me to get killed.

Nothing.

They're transferring. She thinks, and I and I believe her, she found something that they transferred 1.5 million somebody. I don't I don't know what's

somebody. I don't I don't know what's going on, but you know they're gonna Venmo somebody $60 to hit me in the head. You know how insane that's going

head. You know how insane that's going to be? They're gonna Venmo $60

to be? They're gonna Venmo $60 for somebody to just come up and hit me in the head.

But I still try to have fun.

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The thing with having friends and going out in real life, one of the reasons you want to do it is so that you can meet people you don't want to be like.

Your friends have uncles. But my friend had this uncle. We called him drunk. He

was a great guy. He had a chubby wife.

They they would drink and beat each other up. And and he hung out with us

other up. And and he hung out with us all the time. He was drunk and he was angry and he smoked. And there's a lot of great things about him. But we said we don't want to be him. He lived in this basement apartment. and him and his

wife get hammered and fall down. And as

fun as it was, we said to ourselves, he this this is a a problem.

But they were very fun people. They were

good people and they took us in and let us, you know, drink and use drugs in their home. But we we

their home. But we we they just, you know, there was a really really fat guy once in a limo and we went to a strip club and this really

really fat guy was like, "When I get in that club, I'm going to [ __ ] tear it up." And then he just slept. He fell

up." And then he just slept. He fell

asleep because when you're that big, his body's working so hard to just stay alive. He fell asleep in the strip club.

alive. He fell asleep in the strip club.

I'm sorry, in the limo before we got to the strip club. And then we all went outside to the limo and he woke up on the way back to uh my friend's house

where they were dropping everyone off.

He had just slept the whole time in the limo and he had never made it into the strip club. And we said and we said to

strip club. And we said and we said to ourselves that that's tough.

He was a good guy, but he was so big that his body was working so hard to just stay alive that he couldn't get into the strip club. He fell asleep in

the limo for and we were in there a couple hours. He just slept in the in

couple hours. He just slept in the in the he slept in the limo. Just this

really really really big guy sleeping in the limo. And it's important for you to

the limo. And it's important for you to see things like that as a kid to go I don't know if I want that. I don't want that as a life. doesn't mean you're going to be perfect, but you go, I don't

want that as a life.

You know, like the the drunk uncle would break up with the chick all the time.

They'd have these screaming fights.

She'd be banging on his door. They'd

fight on the lawn. The neighbors would call the cops on him.

And there there was a they were fun, but you would say, "I can't live like that.

Too much chaos." And that's why you need to go out. But I feel like that I I got to be honest. Not to sound too dark, I just feel like that's not coming back.

Like those realworld experiences that are so important aren't coming back where you know everybody's formative experiences now are all

digital. They're all online. So people

digital. They're all online. So people

are just again smashing the face with the hammer. The looks maxing the

the hammer. The looks maxing the Bitcoin. I need to have all the money in

Bitcoin. I need to have all the money in bitcoins. what young people do. I need

bitcoins. what young people do. I need

all the money now. I want to drop ship.

I want to have a Lamborghini. I want to live in Dubai. It's like, dude, relax.

Be 19. Calm down. I mean, there's plenty of time in life for you to get involved in some scam.

It's like, [clears throat] you'll be around, statistically, you'll be around to get in a scam at some point in your life that won't work out.

You don't need to do it when you're 12.

You don't need to be in a scam at 14 years old trying to drop ship and playing these games. Like people are just chasing

and online puts it all out there. It's

like, you know, be like all these coaches are always coaching people a as to how to like just make millions of dollars and all these coaches do is

drive around in in have other people film them driving around in a Lamborghini.

So, I mean, I I don't even understand what the money is for at this point. And

then all these young people are like, "Well, I got to make all this money so that someone can film me driving around in a Lamborghini."

And then I don't understand. So what? I

don't know. I mean, then you have a Lamborghini.

Okay.

I don't Is that all anyone wants is to just live in Miami and have a Lamborghini?

It's like a horrible life. This is

people that don't know any This is what you want when you're a 15-year-old. You

want to have a a Lamborghini and live in Miami. You think it's a good life. It's

Miami. You think it's a good life. It's

a terrible life. I know a lot of people that have. It's like a terrible life.

that have. It's like a terrible life.

They live in like some white apartment that looks like they're living in a club. They upload photos of themselves

club. They upload photos of themselves on on the terrace of that apartment, which is are they paying for it? Who

knows? There's a film crew that's always filming them go from room to room to room. And then they get in the

room. And then they get in the Lamborghini and they go out to clubs every night.

I mean, it sounds funny if you're 14.

when I was 14. That's It's an amazing life. Why would that ever get old? Hot

life. Why would that ever get old? Hot

chicks or hot dudes or whatever. And

there's a beach and you're in Miami.

It's not great. I don't know one happy person that lives in Miami that has a Lamborghini. Not one. Not one person in

Lamborghini. Not one. Not one person in Miami that's genuinely happy that has a a $300,000 car in Miami that's really happy.

It's I mean, and again, it's not it's not [ __ ] on people that want to make money, but go

do something you like. You got one life.

You just want to make a bunch of money for what? To get some [ __ ]

for what? To get some [ __ ] some Only Fans [ __ ] in Miami to ride around in a Lamborghini with you and do

coke. Like it I understand that it it

coke. Like it I understand that it it seems great to be, you know, doing lines of aderall at 2 o'clock in the morning

wondering if some [ __ ] is stealing from your Miami apartment. I understand that that seems amazing. Is this [ __ ] stealing my watch in a Miami high-rise?

I know that's what people want, but there's more to life. There's more to life than that. Like a lot more.

Truly, you'll be happier doing other things.

You'll be happier doing other things with your time than that. I know that's the goal. That seems to be the goal of

the goal. That seems to be the goal of like every person that exists on the internet under 25 years old. They all

want to live in Miami. They all want to have a Lamborghini. And they all want to wonder if an Only Vans [ __ ] is stealing their watch at 2:00 in the morning. Is

she going through the drawers? What is

she looking for?

If that's the life you want and you want to go to the DJ, all these DJs, you go to DJs playing and I like these.

I like John Summit. I like these people.

Enough with the DJs and the crap.

Enough.

Enough with this uh Coachella and all this garbage. Enough with this [ __ ]

this garbage. Enough with this [ __ ] ENOUGH. IT'S NOT A LIFE. IT'S NOT A

ENOUGH. IT'S NOT A LIFE. IT'S NOT A LIFE. It is not a life to go to

LIFE. It is not a life to go to Coachella and dress up like an Indian and stand there in 98 degree weather uh you know on uh on like Angel Dust or

whatever. I mean they're not even doing

whatever. I mean they're not even doing Angel Dust. They'd be more interesting.

Angel Dust. They'd be more interesting.

I don't know what they're doing. I mean

I guess they're on shrooms. What about Molly if they're on Molly? IT'S NOT A LIFE. IT'S NOT A LIFE to stand at a con.

LIFE. IT'S NOT A LIFE to stand at a con.

Stop with the concerts. It's another

thing. Stop with the concerts. Enough

with this crap.

Stop with the concerts enough. It's not a life to go see live

enough. It's not a life to go see live music. It's not a life with that with

music. It's not a life with that with these concerts.

These drug addicts, they get out of jail. They put them right on stage and

jail. They put them right on stage and you all you pay $120. See some junkie with 15 children. Enough with the concerts. Stop.

concerts. Stop.

Stop with this. Every minute of the day, it's someone at a concert. No one has a dollar to their name. No one owns anything. Not to sound like Ben Shapiro,

anything. Not to sound like Ben Shapiro, but he might be right about that. Nobody

has a dollar. And everybody's watching uh Billy Isish pretend to sing for three hours. Stop.

hours. Stop.

Get a life. Get a job.

Truly, stop with this crap. You're going

to see a DJ. Enough with this [ __ ] the bottle service, the Vegas and the fights. STOP WITH THE FIGHTS. STOP WITH

fights. STOP WITH THE FIGHTS. STOP WITH

THIS UFC.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR THAT. GO

GET YOUR OWN ASS KICKED IN THE STREETS WHERE YOU LIVE WHERE THE GOVERNMENT doesn't enforce the crime.

You go get jumped somewhere. If you got a a passion for that, stop going to UFC.

Cut it out. It's not a life. It's not a life going to UFC. It's not a life sitting IN THE THING UFC FIGHT. IT'S not

a life. It is not A LIFE. NOT A LIFE.

Stop this [ __ ] I see all this crap online and these people just go from a Miami apartment to

the UFC to a concert to see some junky criminal. And you know what I mean? It's

criminal. And you know what I mean? It's

what is this? What is this? It's a

collection of meaningless [ __ ] It's a collection of meaningless horseshit experiences that mean nothing. YEAH, YOU

KNOW, I SAW JOHN SUMMIT AT THE DEAD.

THEN WE WENT WHAT WENT THE UFC WE WENT HERE? THEN WE WENT THERE. IT'S NOTHING.

HERE? THEN WE WENT THERE. IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S NOTHING. There's no through line.

There's no There is nothing. What are

your photos going to be when you're old?

A photo of you at at a day party and [ __ ] at the wind. What is this? It's

not a life.

It isn't. It's a collection of things that that look like a life from the outside.

I'm telling you, it's the And this is what the internet does. It gives you the idea that these things are life. WELL, I

HAVE A LIFE. I WENT TO COACHELLA AND WE NO, [screaming] NO, IT'S WRONG.

It's wrong. You think it's a life because it's a it's a photo dump.

You you went to brunch. You had a pancake that's, you know, some Asian talked about and that's great. I like

Asians and I like what they're doing in the breakfast realm. But it's it's it's not the point. That's not the point.

Oh, Tim, you have a pancake on your Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm in a game that I didn't create.

What I'm saying is this. The things

you're doing are not a life. You're

these these random things you're doing that you're only doing because other people, you know, are doing them.

Other people, you know, are doing the things that you are doing. Look, let me tell you something, and you need to hear this. We live in a world that's designed

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a trail. A text, a pathetic post, every time you buy a coffee, nothing disappears. And that's a problem. After

disappears. And that's a problem. After

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targets. I had a situation recently, and this is a true story, where somebody was trying to open a bunch of credit accounts in my name. This is not true.

They had my old address, my phone number, even the name of my dog, which is confidential. Never had a dog. This

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information was out there, sold by some loser data broker for $5. Criminals can

open credit accounts, file tax returns, or even commit crimes in your name.

These are all true things. I just not apply to me just by buying up these pathetic little spreadsheets of your life. It's disgusting. That's why you

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limit time offer >> like are are the Shan Duffy this guy who's running the travel thing goes how Americans turn flying into accessessible transportation. Secretary Shan Duffy

transportation. Secretary Shan Duffy urges travelers to dress up and be in a good mood. Hey Sean, [ __ ] you. Hey [ __ ]

good mood. Hey Sean, [ __ ] you. Hey [ __ ] you. By the way, shut the [ __ ] up. How

you. By the way, shut the [ __ ] up. How

about you get the planes in the [ __ ] sky, you scumbag and shut the [ __ ] up.

I'm sick of being lectured by this [ __ ] government that knows nothing about what what's actually happening out there. Okay, first of all,

there. Okay, first of all, first of all, the whole entire experience of travel has become an

unending hell. Okay,

unending hell. Okay, everybody is underst staffed. There are

delays at all the major airports. The

airports are old. They've fallen into disrepair. The planes are old. The

disrepair. The planes are old. The

pilots are underpaid. The staff is underpaid. It's a horrible experience,

underpaid. It's a horrible experience, Sean. It's a bad [ __ ] exper. Let's

Sean. It's a bad [ __ ] exper. Let's

watch him. Let's watch this guy and [ __ ] him.

>> Something I didn't know. In 2019, 400% increase of in-flight outbursts by passengers. 2019.

passengers. 2019.

>> Because they've had it >> because they've had it. There should be more. Hold that. There should be more

more. Hold that. There should be more outbursts on flights.

You should get on a flight and start throwing haymakers. There should be a

throwing haymakers. There should be a flight should be nonstop fighting from the minute you get on the plane till it lands.

The way that you were treated when you travel in this country, they there should be nothing but violence from the traveling public who've had enough.

Let's see a little bit of this here.

>> Incidents, you want to change that?

>> Yeah. So, Donald Trump talks about the golden age of transportation, the golden age of America. But the golden age in transportation truly begins with you, the traveler, right? And so, if you

think you just stop that, >> how would it begin with me, you [ __ ] [ __ ] How would the golden age of transportation start with me when I get there

>> and I'm I'm literally it at that the whole thing has nothing to do with me. I

have no input on how anything's run. I

just show up, you buy a neck pillow, and you get on the plane. I'm there 40 minutes before the flight thanks to Clear. How would the golden age of

Clear. How would the golden age of transportation start with me, you [ __ ] Doesn't even make sense. The

golden age of transportation starts with me. Do you have no You're the Secretary

me. Do you have no You're the Secretary of Transportation. It should start with

of Transportation. It should start with you. How about not passing the buck to

you. How about not passing the buck to me?

WELL, THEN WHAT THE [ __ ] ARE you getting paid for, you scumbag?

The golden age of transportation starts with the people. How about you, whose job You're the secretary of transportation, you [ __ ] scumbag.

>> At the baggage claim, you have passengers berating gate agents. Um,

>> cuz they're retards. Cuz they're [ __ ] stupid. it. Stop hiring stupid retards

stupid. it. Stop hiring stupid retards to work and they wouldn't need to be bered. But

since you keep putting these [ __ ] Down syndrome people, and no disrespect to them, by the way. I don't even like that I use that word, but you know what I mean. [laughter] I I had a cousin with

I mean. [laughter] I I had a cousin with Down I have no problem with the Down syndrome community. I like them. They're

syndrome community. I like them. They're

sweet people. It's not their fault. But

even that you are putting people behind the desk at these things that shouldn't be there and then I shouldn't berate them.

Why should I not berate them? They're

berating me. They're berating me.

>> Passengers on airplanes. People dress up like they're going to bed when they fly.

Um >> you don't even have a tie on.

on airplanes and they're having a hard time taking their luggage and getting in in the oversized or or the above bin.

>> Help people out. Be nice. Be courteous.

And so we want to push people as we come into a really busy travel season. Help

people out. Be in a good mood. Dress up.

Bring civility back to travel. Um and I think everyone's experience is going to be that much better.

Why would I dress up when the plane doesn't take off? [laughter]

Why would I dress up when the plane doesn't leave the runway? Sean, you

scumbag. You dirt bag.

Telling people to dress up. Get the

plane in the air, you dirt bag.

Why would I dress up to I know I don't take these airlines, but why would people dress up to go to Frontier Airlines? Hey Sean, their lives suck.

Airlines? Hey Sean, their lives suck.

That's why they can't dress up. They're

going to identify the body of their daughter.

That's why they're taking that flight.

Sean, maybe they don't want to put on a nice holiday sweater. They're going to identify to see if the body in the lake is their daughter and they don't have a lot of money. So, they're on Frontier

Airlines and the body's been in the lake for a few days. So, it's starting to The

few days. So, it's starting to The stomach's distended, but the facial features are still pretty intact except where the wounds are.

Maybe they don't want to put on a nice uh a nice uh pants suit so they can go down to Austin, Texas, and identify the body in the lake. Why do you think

people are traveling, Sean?

They're traveling because their lives are terrible. A lot of them, some of

are terrible. A lot of them, some of them are going to the holidays. Sure.

But a lot of them are just leaving under the cover of night because they owe money and they're trying to settle somewhere else. So maybe they don't feel

somewhere else. So maybe they don't feel like dressing up to get on a budget flight to Phoenix to work at another tattoo shop and hope this one works.

He's I'm sick of people in government going, "Well, the golden age of travel starts with you. Dress up. Be courty.

Hey Sean, no one has any money.

No one has any goddamn money, you fool."

>> WHY ISN'T EVERYONE DRESSED UP ON the Southwest flight? Cuz everyone's [ __ ]

Southwest flight? Cuz everyone's [ __ ] That's why why wouldn't they help someone? Everyone helps people with the

someone? Everyone helps people with the luggage. Nobody doesn't help people with

luggage. Nobody doesn't help people with the L. That's such [ __ ]

the L. That's such [ __ ] Get up. Get up. Spirit brawl and hit

Get up. Get up. Spirit brawl and hit image.

Spirit Airlines Brawl.

Play something good.

This is what it is.

This is what life is. What year is this from? It doesn't even matter.

from? It doesn't even matter.

>> Yeah. Play this whole.

>> You got to be careful.

>> I want to I want to I want to feel it.

>> No word on if any of the passengers involved are facing charges. Spirit is

looking [music] into it.

>> Well, at the very same airport, tense moments for passengers. This is a Delta flight where Hayes >> filled the cabin of a plane. Officials

saying the flight had dressing up for that morning.

>> Don't you want to dress up for the plane to go on fire?

>> Columbia, South Carolina. But [music]

then came the haze.

>> The crew declared an emergency. They

immediately returned to the airport.

>> Put on a nice shirt in Delta now looking into the cause. Everything's a joke in this country.

>> Dress up nice. The planes are exploding in the sky.

>> Dress up nice.

Have a holiday spirit and dress up nice.

Every minute of every day, I don't know why I get every plane issue. Every

minute I'm awake, I'm getting some type of communication that a plane has been forced to turn around, okay, over the Atlantic because a pilot is trying to

kill themsself. Okay? Every minute of

kill themsself. Okay? Every minute of every day, there's some engine failure, a fuel leak, uh a hydraulics issue,

smoke in the cabin, an unruly passenger, a medical emergency. People just get people go on planes right now and just die and then they got to land a plane.

So, this guy is basically like, why aren't you dressing up for what's going to be one of the worst experiences of your life? Now, here's one point he does

your life? Now, here's one point he does have. You should dress nicely when you

have. You should dress nicely when you fly because it might be the last time you ever put on clothes. It might be the end. Might be dead.

end. Might be dead.

There's too many people flying. There's

too much travel in this country. It is

motivated by this lie that there is meaning to be found elsewhere. There is

not. There is not.

Find a little corner of the world. Find

a little store. find a lesbian who makes a little uh donut.

That's all. You know, you see her, you go there and she'll be in early making a little doughnut, that little lesbian, and you go in there and sure, she's feisty and not fun to talk to. You get a little donut, you get a cup of coffee,

you walk your dog there. Stop making

this complicated.

Find a little coffee shop where a lesbian makes a a little doughnut, little fritter.

But make it. I want to see them make it.

I don't want it shipped in from somewhere. And I don't even like when

somewhere. And I don't even like when they buy it. I want to see it being made by a lesbian and and then find an Italian restaurant

called like Mama and go to that once a week and get a bowl of spaghetti and talk to Mama

Giorgio about all the migrants.

And then you find a Chinese restaurant.

You find a bar where you can go and talk to the bartender.

You find a nice little gym. You find a little job. You find someone to share it

little job. You find someone to share it with. And that's it. That's it.

with. And that's it. That's it.

You're not this. Where? Where are you going? Stop. Where are you going? Can

going? Stop. Where are you going? Can

you imagine? We're go We're landing in Vegas in 20 MINUTES. FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT?

FOR WHAT? For what? To see a DJ and have your friend fall off and die because he falls off a balcony or something.

Just stay in your little Just find a nice little town. You can still find them, by the way. There's not a lot of them. There's very few of them. You find

them. There's very few of them. You find

a nice little town where you can get involved with a few nice restaurants and a pub and and that's what you do. Do not

over complicate your life. You didn't

you do not need a billion dollars in crypto. You don't need to be in Dubai

crypto. You don't need to be in Dubai because you you're trying to not get kidnapped for your crypto.

I was at a lunch the other day and somebody's like, "That guy's got a lot of crypto, but he always thinks he's going to be kidnapped." I'm like, "What is this? What What is this? What lives

is this? What What is this? What lives

everyone created?" By the way, oh, he did real well in crypto, but he thinks he's going to be kidnapped like every night. He can't even sleep. Folks, just

night. He can't even sleep. Folks, just

get a shepherd's pie at the local pub.

It's ground lamb with uh uh carrots, some potato, some mashed potato, nice crust on top. You know, I mean, I don't know what to tell you here. I I don't know what to tell you. You want to be in

Dubai with a billion dollars of crypto worrying about being kidnapped? What do

you What What can we stop this [ __ ] Stop this crap. Stop this garbage.

Get out of LA. No one cares about your script. Oh, you wrote a script. Cut this

script. Oh, you wrote a script. Cut this

[ __ ] out. You think it's 2004? Stop. Go

be a teacher in Vermont.

Just go be a teacher in Vermont.

Teachers are lazy people. They are lazy people. They do almost nothing. Truly.

people. They do almost nothing. Truly.

Here's my impression of a teacher. Hello

everyone.

Welcome to the class. Today we're

learning about photosynthesis.

The light comes in and it does, you know, chlorophyll. It's all green. [ __ ]

know, chlorophyll. It's all green. [ __ ] off. That's it. That's all they do. 100

off. That's it. That's all they do. 100

grand.

And then every summer they get to go out and, you know, stomp around, do whatever the hell they want, get a side gig.

Just do that. Stop with this crap.

You're collecting all these experiences, but they don't lead to any. They don't

lead to anything. They're all these isolated events that that are there to telegraph to other people how well you're doing or how much you're raging

or turning up or whatever the [ __ ] it just doesn't matter. Just have local fun and and just be around people that you

have some level of comfort with.

Everybody has over complicated life to a degree that's unimaginable. I have a weird life. I have weird friends and a

weird life. I have weird friends and a lot of them have high-profile things and they're not happier than than anyone else. Truly, it's a public service

else. Truly, it's a public service announcement. Now, I'm not going to be

announcement. Now, I'm not going to be friends I'm not going to like not be friends with them and be friends with you.

What? Some of these like psychos on Instagram are like, "Why don't you get dinner with me? I'm a regular person."

What? What?

Relax, nuts. But the point is this. Get

a [ __ ] I'm tell so many people I know they think life is such a complicated thing. They stress themselves out. These

thing. They stress themselves out. These

kids stress themselves out. Find a good scam. Find a nice little townhouse.

scam. Find a nice little townhouse.

Enough with the garbage. Get a dog.

Get a dog.

Not the Shebaenu. I don't like that.

It's too perfect looking. I don't dig it. Everyone else likes it. I don't like

it. Everyone else likes it. I don't like that Australian Shepherd than that Merurl. I don't like its eyes. But get a

Merurl. I don't like its eyes. But get a dog.

Get go on a date. Go on date night with the wife. You take her on a little date

the wife. You take her on a little date night. You go to the French restaurant

night. You go to the French restaurant in town. You want to be in Dubai going,

in town. You want to be in Dubai going, "Is that is that a creek in the door or is someone kidnapping me for the Am I going to get tied to the chair and

tortured for my crypto?"

That's happening to people all over the place. They're getting tied to the chair and beaten for their crypto.

And that's what everyone wants. They go,

"I want to live in Miami and I want to get kidnapped in the middle of the night and and taken to a warehouse and tied to

a chair and beaten for my crypto wallet password and wonder all the way there if the only fans who are [ __ ] gave them

my address." The answer is yes.

my address." The answer is yes.

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I hear Cash Patel may be out. I hear

Pete Hexath might be out. We don't know.

Could be.

Is this Russia Ukraine deal going to go through? I don't even care right now.

through? I don't even care right now.

I'm I'm I don't even care about this Russia Ukra I'm I'm uninterested.

Khi.com will tell you who will leave the role in the trans in the Trump administration. 12% say cash Patel.

administration. 12% say cash Patel.

Here's what I'm saying. Okay.

Be thankful for simplicity. This is re really listen up here.

Really listen up. be thankful

for the simple things in your life, reconnecting with with people or, you know, having a good productive first

date or something or working at Panera when you got out of rehab. Yeah, it's

not the best job, but you just got out of rehab. You're lucky you're not dead.

of rehab. You're lucky you're not dead.

Be thankful for these things. Truly,

be thankful for this.

Local is the answer. Global is not the answer. WELL, WHAT'S THE UKRAINE TO?

answer. WELL, WHAT'S THE UKRAINE TO?

SHUT UP. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DELHI.

Tell me about the school you're going to send your kids to. Local is the answer.

Be thankful for local. I'm telling you, you know, it I talked to so many people and so many of them

are insane and and their lives are so complicated and some of that's their fault and some of that's not their fault. Some of that's just the way it it is and the way it

goes. But some of the happiest people I

goes. But some of the happiest people I know, there's such a simplicity to their life. They've learned that they don't they don't need like everyone

young people today everything's got to be dialed up to everything's got to be the craziest thing the richest

I'm the richest per like all everyone wants it and it you're chasing nothing you're going nowhere it's meaningless the things you want are

meaningless develop some faith engage in a healthy way with religion Engage in a healthy way with a passion.

Truly, get a hobby.

Get a partner. These are all important things. You don't need to be the richest

things. You don't need to be the richest person. You do not need

person. You do not need to make all this money in crypto. You

you don't need to have, you know, you don't need to have a crazy social media presence that makes people feel guilty or something. You don't need to. You can

or something. You don't need to. You can

go have fun and not put it on on Instagram.

And I'm not saying don't go have fun or don't go have experiences, but cut it out with the half of the [ __ ] you people are doing. Enough with this crap.

are doing. Enough with this crap.

Enough. All right. You know, CHAPEL RAN.

ENOUGH with this. Who cares? Who cares?

I know some guys are posting photos with Chapel. Oh, I know Chapel Ron. So what?

Chapel. Oh, I know Chapel Ron. So what?

Who cares?

There's nothing cool about that.

There's nothing cool about that. I know

Marjorie Taylor Green. How about that, you scumbag?

Well, it's true. I hope she's well.

She's left her She's left the Congress.

I'm just saying that people need to people need to dial it down. Turn it

down.

I would go to these people that that have all these dreams with the looks maxing. They're they're all

looks maxing. They're they're all smashing their jaws with a with a hammer and go, "This is what kind of woman you getting here? What kind of woman is

getting here? What kind of woman is requiring this of you to smash your jaw with a hammer like this?"

All you need to do is is be a a person.

Learn how to be a person. I mean, I don't know. I'm just saying it's it's

don't know. I'm just saying it's it's definitely I did a Jay Crew commercial the other day. It was a lot of fun.

There was a lot of kids on set because I was playing a coach and they they were in the it's like a short film for for J Crew. I play like a ski coach was

Crew. I play like a ski coach was yelling at the kids. One of the children, a nine-year-old, started a rumor that I had a wig on. [laughter]

Okay. The other kids, he started a rumor that I had a wig on.

I started going back and forth with this person who was nine years old who's actually very cruel. Another one of the kids, they were calling me Tim Cheese.

They're doing the 67. They're trying to [ __ ] on me. I called one of them. I was

like, "Oh yeah, young Sheldon." So I got him bad and I did hurt him. I saw it in his face. [laughter]

his face. [laughter] Um but they were pieces of [ __ ] to me. They

were vicious. They were disrespectful.

They were not professional at all. were

on set. They're actually not professional at all. Um, and it was hurtful because I thought that there would be a level of respect and that their parents would have talked to

them about who I was and things that I had accomplished, [laughter] but that's not what happened. Okay, this show is like huge. And no one, not one kid

like huge. And no one, not one kid cared at all about me. It was insults and insults and this one and that one.

and big back. That's the one I called young Sheldon. He called me fat. Then it

young Sheldon. He called me fat. Then it

became about Israel. Here's the point.

Who are these little bums?

I don't feel bad for them. I hope AI takes everything from them. I said that to them. I said, "None of you will have

to them. I said, "None of you will have jobs. AI will take it all. AI would take

jobs. AI will take it all. AI would take will take it all." Okay. So,

I'm just saying the experience I've had with that generation has been really negative. Really negative. They're just

negative. Really negative. They're just

all sociopaths. Okay.

Some of them were okay, but like I I'm They were try like some of them were okay with the lines. I think I did a good time. I think I did well.

good time. I think I did well.

It was an all day shoot. Everyone was

getting tired and everybody was fighting, you know, but they held it together for the most part, you know. But

you know. But I'm just like I have a really limited interaction. Like I don't I don't know

interaction. Like I don't I don't know what's going on with younger people. I

just know from what I saw I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it.

it. I don't like it. I don't like it.

There's no respect for authority.

Um one of them threw like a like a sloth thing at me. None of it was cool.

None of it was cool.

Um, so I'm just saying that I want I want to to give advice to people and tell them that like all the things I see online, these trends are all ultimately very

destructive and you know, I'm really sick of the the you know, we need to make things easier for younger people and we need to change the value system because the value system is like rotted.

It's completely rotted and the lives if the I don't know who these people are looking up to. I don't know what they're not even watching movies. Like you used to want to live in like a nice tutor style house in an area with like

changing, you know, changing seasons and you have a little family and everything like that. That's like the dream, the

like that. That's like the dream, the home alone kind of dream. You want a community. You want a lot of people

community. You want a lot of people around you. And now like everyone's

around you. And now like everyone's like, "How wouldn't it be cool if I lived in Miami with an Only Fans [ __ ] and we snorted Aderal and then someone kidnapped me because I have crypto." And

you're like, "I just don't know what happened. I don't know how that became

happened. I don't know how that became the goal of young people in this country. It's like not good. Everyone

country. It's like not good. Everyone

wants to be some type of quasi criminal who's like on a private jet landing at Opaaka airport in Miami ready to go rage.

You're supposed to be in the suburbs of America.

Save the suburbs.

That's what it should be. You need it's a very very simple thing. It doesn't

need to be the craziest thing. You don't

need to You can go to Coachella once.

You don't have to go every year. You

don't have to go every year.

You don't have to go every year.

All right.

It's crazy. Oh, you're at the Caliuchi.

What's this? At the concert. The

Caliuchi concert. Hey, hey, hey, enough with this. Go to the dentist. Be a

with this. Go to the dentist. Be a

dentist.

Go be a dentist. When someone goes, "Oh, I'm going to Caliuchi concert. What are

you doing?" You go, "I'm a dentist.

I'm a dentist."

You know, you know, it's a play a little bit of that of the Caliuchi concert if we can.

It's It's K A L I, right?

Caliuchi. I have a friend who's on tour with him. I'm sure it's great. Can we

with him. I'm sure it's great. Can we

play this? We're going to get played a little bit of it.

[music] [music] >> Pyro, [cheering] it's fine. It's good. It's good. But you

it's fine. It's good. It's good. But you

don't need, folks, you don't need to do this all the time. You don't need to do this all the time.

You know, this is all I see people doing. All I see people doing now is

doing. All I see people doing now is they just go to a concert. They just get they just take drugs and go to a

concert. Who cares? Go somewhere else.

concert. Who cares? Go somewhere else.

Stop this crap.

[snorts] Don't get mad at me. I'm the messenger.

I'm the messenger here. Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm wrong. Thanksgiving dinner

tough in a tough economy. Guess what?

So what? Do half what you do. Do half of the dinner this year. Do half of the dinner.

Do half of what you usually do. And if

people don't like it, have have everybody bring one thing. And it's

already over anyway. This comes out Saturday. Who cares?

Saturday. Who cares?

I'm just saying that's what I would do.

If I was hosting Thanksgiving this year, you know what I would do? I would tell everybody, if you want to eat it, bring it.

bring it if you want to eat it because I don't have anything this year.

That's what I'd say. I go I don't have anything and you're not coming in my house.

You're not coming in my house. We're

going to sit in the driveway and we're going to solve the Charlie Kirk murder with Candace Owens. That's Thanksgiving

this year. That's Thanksgiving this year. That's what it is. Come solve the

year. That's what it is. Come solve the murder. Solve the case. I come in. I

murder. Solve the case. I come in. I

have a big whiteboard.

You come over my house for Thanksgiving, I have a big whiteboard and I have names and planes and and that's what we're doing. We're going through the whole

doing. We're going through the whole thing from the jump. That's what we're doing. Thanksgiving.

doing. Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for all of you and obviously the people who watch this show. I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful

show. I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful

for our brand sponsorships and partners that uh align with our core values and mission.

I'm thankful for um friends and family.

I'm kidding. I am. I'm thankful for um I'm thankful for the M East peace agreement.

I am. And I hope everybody there can just kind of take a moment because it's been a rough couple of years for a lot of people over

there. And I hope they realize that

there. And I hope they realize that life is so precious.

And it's time now for rebuilding and healing and not being a knucklehead because the last couple of years

people over there have been knuckleheads and and dodo birds. And if you're a knucklehead or a dodo bird, it's it's not the way. So, what I'd like you to do

if you're in the Middle East, I'm not even specifying where, but if you're in the Middle East, Israel, Palestine, uh,

Libya Lebanon whatever.

Don't Turkey, Saudi Arabia, even though you fired me, I' I've moved past it.

Don't be a knucklehead.

That's all I'm saying. Hey, in Chicago, everyone's shooting each other. Stop

doing that.

I'm thankful I didn't get shot in Chicago. They shot seven people a few

Chicago. They shot seven people a few blocks away from my hotel. I'm thankful

for that. Stop shooting each other. I'm

asking you nicely now.

It's not I know you think, "Oh, it's cool if I go shoot this guy." And maybe it is cool. [laughter]

I'm not, you know, I gonna tell you it's not cool. It's probably cool. It's

not cool. It's probably cool. It's

probably cool if you shoot a guy. People

will look at you differently. You'll be

treated like a serious person. You might

get a woman out of it. It It is probably a a cool thing to do if you shoot someone in Chicago and kill that person because now you're a legit person.

It kind of legitimizes you in the eyes of many people if you shoot someone in a callous way. Like if you shoot him in the face, if you get out of a car and then shoot someone in the face in the

middle of Chicago, it's probably a really badass thing to do.

But still, there's other ways, you know, there's other ways to get those things, get the

respect and the woman. Not as immediate probably. If you shoot someone, your

probably. If you shoot someone, your cred goes up really high really quickly and people are re like overnight. People

are like, "Wow, that guy's [ __ ] don't [ __ ] with him." But there's there's other ways to do that that might take a little longer. You just have to kind of

little longer. You just have to kind of settle in and screw in for the long haul.

And they shot seven people in Chicago right outside of the Chicago Theater. And I'm

grateful I was not shot. I'm thankful

for that. I'm thankful for that. And I'm

thankful for because I've played that theater a few times. I wasn't playing that theater this time. I was in some dump an hour outside getting some new material. And thanks to everyone who

material. And thanks to everyone who came, but I've played that theater a few times. And so I'm I'm thankful I wasn't

times. And so I'm I'm thankful I wasn't shot.

Walking around downtown Chicago. Every

day in this country that you're not randomly shot is something you should be thankful for.

Every day you were not killed in a car accident uh in a road rage incident. Every day

that you do not contract some type of tick born illness. You should be thankful every minute

that you are not victimized by some type of roving frothing at the mouth psychopath who you know like we MK Ultra somewhere

and like pulled out of the military to put into some special crazy program and like put them in a room with loud music and then just release them as like some type of kind of assassin psychopath and

they just wander the highways trying to kill people. the every minute that guy's

kill people. the every minute that guy's not in your face is a good minute. Be

thankful for that. Every time you're not killed in a national park by whatever because no one even explains what happens there. People just disappear.

happens there. People just disappear.

But anytime you're not killed by some mysterious thing in a national park that nobody really wants to talk about.

Although there's area the of these parks you're like not allowed to go in and people don't really know what's going on. Anytime that's not happening, be

on. Anytime that's not happening, be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful.

thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful.

You know what I mean? Anytime your child doesn't call you and go, "There was a school shooting and my friend got popped."

popped." Be thankful because you're living in America. These things are all tragic

America. These things are all tragic possibilities. Be thankful. Be thankful.

possibilities. Be thankful. Be thankful.

Truly, you don't have to jump up and down or whatever, but like you don't need to be a millionaire. You just not You just be

a millionaire. You just not You just be thankful for the simple pleasures of not having a home invasion wake you up in the middle of the night. Be thankful.

Be My friend woke up with a gun in her mouth. [groaning]

mouth. [groaning] Give us the Birkin bags. Give us the bags or we'll get out of here. Be

thankful. Be thankful that no one has woken you up with a gun in your mouth for your pocketbook yet. Be thankful.

Be thankful.

Be thankful for all these things. Be

thankful that you are not, you know, in some type of crazy.

Be thankful Israel is not blackmailing you.

Be thankful.

Be thankful.

Be thankful. Be thankful you don't live in the whatever on that in that disputed territory that Ukraine Russia thing up there in the north. Be thankful.

Be thankful that you are an American citizen with rights. Not a lot and they will go away, but you have them now. Be

thankful for that. Be thankful. You

don't need to be a crypto billionaire who's kidnapped and tied to a chair and beaten for their password so they can take the fake money out of your account and the only fans [ __ ] You don't need

all that. You don't need all You don't

all that. You don't need all You don't need a camera crew that lives in your house that takes photos of you driving Lamborghinis around a parking lot. You

don't need it. You don't need it. Get a

small little place and hang out there and live a life like a human being.

You're not going to be able to do that soon. Everything I'm describing is the

soon. Everything I'm describing is the ultimate luxury. Soon, robots are going

ultimate luxury. Soon, robots are going to drag you out of your house and rape you on the lawn, and there's nothing you're going to be able to do about it.

So, be thankful that you can have a shitty little life. You're right at the end of humanity. You're right at the end of humanity. Be thankful you can have A

of humanity. Be thankful you can have A SHITTY LITTLE LIFE cuz it's it's not all going to be sunshine and song. It's not

all GOING TO BE COACHELLA AND COCAINE.

We're heading to a real real interesting situation. Be thankful that you can have

situation. Be thankful that you can have a shitty little life in a corner of the world that is still pretty free for now.

Be thankful.

And I am very grateful. And I am thankful for all of you.

And I was kidding about Israel.

Love you.