Women Are Slowly Learning The Truth

Your wife is not going to apologize.

That's not how women work. Yes, you were

right, but because you were right, you

are the villain. Every fight, every

divorce is caused by the same thing. And

by the end of this video, you'll

understand why men are always more

powerful than women, and why that means

you are destined to lose every argument.

>> This is terrible new information. And I

thought I was winning every argument

with my husband because I was right and

he was wrong. But I just put the camera

at his height, so how he sees me. And I

realized this is not the case at all.

I'm not winning because I'm right. I'm

winning because how could you take me

seriously? I look like I should have

cartoon steam coming out of my ears.

Hello, I'm so mad right now. I would be

choking back laughter if I was arguing

with me. I'm not winning on merit. I'm

winning because I look helpless and

silly. This is how he sees the whole

world. No wonder the guy's so confident.

Of course, he gives up in 10 seconds and

kisses my forehead. I look like a small

woodland creature trying to tell a

giant. You Hey, giant, I've got

something to tell you.

>> It is very rare that a man ever actually

loses an argument with a woman. Most

often, he just retreats and stops

arguing. The woman might think that

she's won, but in reality, he's just

given up. He may have started out

engaging with her, countering her

points, making rational arguments,

trying to present his case logically.

But what often happens is that a woman's

behavior deteriorates. She becomes so

erratic, so emotional that it causes him

to withdraw because when she's in that

state, continuing to argue feels wrong.

He's not conceding, he is humoring the

woman. Essentially, she becomes too

small to compete with. Her tone, her

emotional volatility, her need to be

right. It begins to seem childish, which

makes him feel like he's fighting with a

toddler, which just doesn't seem fair.

He withdraws, but it's not because he's

threatened or feels beaten. No, he was

disturbed by the mismatch. He no longer

sees her as a worthy rival. Most men

have an innate aversion to anything that

doesn't seem like it is a fair fight.

And so at some point when her behavior

is just going off the walls, continuing

to argue with her feels cruel and so he

withdraws as an act of mercy. For most

relationships between men and women, the

power imbalance is just too big to

ignore. He's taller, he's stronger, he's

more emotionally controlled. Often he's

the financial provider. He provides the

boundaries and discipline in the house.

And usually he is less dependent on

affection and closeness. The truth is

that in these dynamics, the man usually

holds all of the cards, and that's the

real reason why he puts his weapons

down. But this begs the question, if the

power imbalance between men and women is

so vast, how are you meant to resolve

conflict with your wife or girlfriend?

What's a man to do? Because if he fights

back with full force, he's a bully. But

if he just capitulates, he loses her

respect. Men don't know what to do. How

are you meant to be in conflict with a

woman? What are the rules? In one form

or another, this confusion is the reason

why you got divorced, why you and your

ex-girlfriend broke up, or why you and

billions of other men across the planet

had an argument with your partner last

week. Fundamentally, you just don't

understand how you are meant to compete

with a woman. You know how to compete

with other men, and women know how to

compete with other women. But when men

and women clash, it's like they're not

even playing the same game. It's like

putting a basketball player and a

golfing pro next to each other, blowing

the whistle, and saying, "Okay, start."

How are they meant to do that? What game

are they meant to play? What are the

rules? This is my point. It's almost

impossible for men to actually argue

with women because you're playing

different games. Do you understand how

women compete? Do you know the rules? Do

you understand the game? Who wins, who

loses, how you score points? Because if

you think it is the same way that men

compete, you are sorely mistaken. Male

competition is very straightforward.

There's very little ambiguity. You

either win or you don't. The battlefield

is external and every man is required to

play by the rules. We don't tolerate

cheating or dirty play. And there is

usually an inherent respect given to

your competitor. Of course, you try and

win, but if you lose, you shake hands,

you give him his dues, and then you

train harder so that you can beat him

next time. And the purpose of all of

this is not just ego inflation. It's

about creating a hierarchy of

competence, establishing authority and

leadership. We're trying to sort out

where everybody stands. And best of all,

there is a clear end to the conflict. At

some point, a winner is declared and

then life moves on. If you want to know

what male conflict looks like, it's

sport. But if you want to understand

what female conflict looks like, it's

reality TV. There's no respect for your

competitor, and there's certainly no

end. The competition doesn't just stop

at some point when the whistle is blown.

You watch The Housewives or one of those

reality real estate shows. You'll see

that they are able to drag female

conflict out for seasons. Female

competition is indirect. They very

rarely openly challenge each other. It's

not about force. It's about perception,

status, emotional control, social

alliances. And the weapons are

completely different. Gossip,

vulnerability, even compliments can all

be turned into weapons. And for women,

plausible deniability is essential. The

most effective strike you can land upon

an enemy is one where you pretend that

you're their friend. And women feel

triumphant not through any external

measure of goals scored, but from being

the one who is socially included. The

winner is subject to democracy. It's a

popularity contest. And because there's

no reference to objective standards,

establishing a hierarchy is not the

purpose. It's about conquering emotional

and social territory. That means that

the conflict never ends. Things are

always shifting, which leads women to be

constantly on edge, unsure of themselves

and of their position. It creates a high

level of anxiety and a debilitating fear

of being judged. Do you see how

different this is? Why conflict

resolution is almost impossible? The two

of you are playing by completely

different rules. So, what does this mean

for you and your relationship? How are

you meant to resolve conflict with a

woman? That's what I'm going to talk

about in this video. But first, I want

to quickly thank everybody for the

birthday wishes. October is my birthday

month. I'm turning 38. And to celebrate,

there is a 38% discount on my Patreon.

If you sign up, you get early access and

the extended versions of all of my

videos.

>> So much in women that drives me nuts is

women who can't apologize. Oh,

accountability,

>> but they cannot own up at all. Like,

they refuse. I So much so that a guy

that I dated before I met my husband, I

remember we had some type of argument

and I said, "I'm really sorry. I

shouldn't have said something that way."

And he almost passed out because he was

like, no woman in his life had ever

said, "I'm sorry."

>> Of course.

>> And he was like, "What the hell?" Of

course.

>> But I see women, even my friends, will

have a fight with their boyfriend or

their husband, and I'll have to tell

them, "Listen, you need to apologize

because sometimes it's going to be you."

>> Most men can recall that one argument

where it was absolutely clear, black and

white, that they were correct and their

wife was wrong, and they would have

loved to receive an apology. And they've

been waiting. You've probably got an

example in your own life that you're

thinking about right now, thinking,

"Man, an apology would be nice." Well,

let me ask you, how long have you been

waiting for that apology? A couple of

weeks, 20 years? It very rarely happens.

Women do not readily offer up apologies

because an apology means that there is

some kind of conclusion, a shared

understanding of what has occurred. But

that's not likely to happen. Men and

women are very rarely on the same page

because, as we've established, they're

playing by different rules. It is rare

for a couple to even agree about what

they are arguing about, let alone in

determining which one of them is at

fault. You see, men come into arguments

expecting clear rules, logic, and

rationality, and they are looking for a

path to a resolution. But women bring an

entirely different toolkit. They come in

analyzing tone and subtext and emotional

momentum. For them, it's not so much a

debate as a relational power struggle.

So, you've got the man, he's bringing in

facts and examples and consistency,

believing that the better argument is

going to prevail. But this backfires on

him because for her, it's not about the

facts, it's about the emotions. And the

more rational the arguments that he's

presenting emotionally, the more cold he

appears. She freaks out because he's not

playing by the rules. And so she

emotionally escalates, ripping the

situation out of the realm of facts and

pitching the battle on ground that she

feels more comfortable with. It's truly

a genius strategy because when she does

this, she no longer has to prove him

wrong. She just has to make him seem

like he is uncaring and cruel. When she

uses emotional tactics like crying and

escalating, she has effectively changed

what the two of you are arguing about

because it's no longer a disagreement

over facts. Suddenly, you're arguing

about whether or not you are an

emotional jerk who doesn't care about

what she's feeling. And most men are

extremely slow to catch on to what's

going on here. He thought they were

making progress, that he was presenting

his case really well. But suddenly she

is sobbing and he finds himself

apologizing and withdrawing, not because

he thinks that he's wrong, but because

he's overwhelmed and confused and he

just wants all the chaos to stop. You

can see how effective this female

strategy has been in that it puts men in

this double bind. If he pushes back

against her, then he's a bully. But if

he gives in, he's weak and emasculated.

And so he's trapped in this game where

winning makes him feel like a villain,

but losing makes her lose respect for

him. The entire terrain of the argument

begins to feel like one giant

psychological booby trap. Men don't know

which direction to go. Nowhere feels

safe and eventually a lot of men just

give up. They don't believe that there

is a right way to engage with a woman

like this. If every single move that you

make can be reframed as you being wrong,

then what's the point in trying? She has

created a learned helplessness inside

the man. He stops fighting not because

he thinks that he's wrong, but because

he's come to believe that the game is

unwininnable. But in the aftermath, so

much damage has been done because the

two of you are in completely different

realities. She might think that she's

won the argument. She feels vindicated,

but you know that you didn't lose the

game. You just opted out. And now you've

lost respect for her. You see her

differently. Before she was an equal.

She was a worthy competitor. You didn't

mind having a spirited debate because

you were confident the rationality was

going to win out. But when you see that

all she has is emotion, well then

suddenly you view her less as a partner

and more as a child to be managed. And

let me be clear, I'm not saying that all

women do this or this is an illustration

of how all relationships function. But

even if you're dating a highquality

woman, if she does lose track of

herself, this is the pattern that's

likely to unfold. If she does slip into

toxicity, this is what it's going to

look like. But any woman who thinks that

she is powerful because she got her

boyfriend or husband to give in during

an argument, she needs to check her

assumptions because she has a

fundamental misunderstanding of what

power is. Just because you're screaming

and having a tantrum and ultimately

getting your way, that does not make you

powerful. It's actually the person who

was calm and restrained and showed

tolerance who maintains the upper hand.

He saw your emotional escalation and he

chose to not engage. It's like him

giving you his umbrella during a

rainstorm. Yes, you might be the one

who's dry, but it's ultimately still his

umbrella. In relational conflicts, men

suppress their anger. They monitor their

tone and they restrain their emotional

expression, not because they are weak,

but because they know what the

consequences would be if they unleashed

their full strength. He knows if he was

to say what he's really thinking, the

relationship would not survive. There is

a very deep asymmetry here. Men are

forced into self-censorship not just to

preserve peace, but also to protect

himself because he knows if he was to

express his emotions the same way that

she does without any restraint or

self-control, he would very quickly be

labeled abusive, toxic, dangerous. The

double standard here is enormous. A

woman can be emotional, reactive, even

cruel, but all of her behavior is going

to be dismissed and justified. Oh,

that's just her feelings. She's just

having an emotional moment. If men

started acting the way that women did,

even just 10% of it, they would be

labeled unstable. The unagnowledged

truth is that in our society, men are

held to a much higher behavioral

standard. This is a privilege that women

will not admit that they have, but it is

absolutely true. They have the freedom

to act really badly and then just blame

it on their emotions. In practical

terms, what this means is that in

individual relationships, it is

typically the man who carries the

emotional responsibility of that

dynamic. Just like I explained in my

rational pig video, I'll put a link to

that one below if you haven't seen that

yet. It always falls upon the strong to

care for the weak. And so, what is the

solution? Truthfully, women need to do

better. The sad fact of the matter is

that this toxic behavior gets excused

because it is gendered. There is no way

to justify throwing tantrums, abandoning

rationality, and emotionally escalating

in the middle of a disagreement. It is

childish behavior and it needs to be

condemned. But because it so strongly

presents in women, this behavior gets

the de facto protection of feminism as

though this kind of behavior is

inherently justifiable because it's most

commonly coming from women. I don't buy

it and I hope that you don't either. We

need to raise our standards. We need to

expect better. If you are in a

disagreement with a woman and you are

sticking to the facts, trying to find a

resolution, and the woman that you're

arguing with just says whatever comes to

her mind, she's changing the topics.

She's emotionally escalating. That's not

okay. It's childish. And I understand my

words are strong and I have a male bias,

but I don't care. There is a right and a

wrong way to resolve conflict and women

on the whole need to do better. Having

said that, my advice to men to make your

life easier is to assume that every

argument that you are having with your

girlfriend or wife is not about what you

think it is. It's not about the chores.

It's not about that look that she thinks

you gave her. It's about her, her fears.

She is scared of losing connection to

you. Do not assume just because she's

complaining about one thing that that's

actually what she's upset about. I'm not

letting women off the hook. They need to

do a better job of identifying what it

is that they're feeling. They need to

grow in their self-awareness. But you

can help in this process. And I'm going

to spend the rest of this video giving

you some practical tips so that you

approach conflict with a woman less like

a debater and more like a translator. If

you'd like to see that video, please

come and join me on Patreon. That's

where I post the fulllength versions of

my videos, including a lot of the

practical tips, a lot of the nuance on

how to actually use this information to

improve your relationships. There is a

38% discount in honor of my birthday

month. It's incredible value. We've got

hundreds of videos.